The Oregon trip- Painted Hills Unit of the John Day Fossil Beds

I am back from my Oregon trip.  It was very helpful.  I was supposed to be figuring out if it was feasible for me to do consulting work in Oregon from my home in Washington.  I am not sure I answered that... but I had a blast.

Also, I found the most amazing re-use stores in Portland.  I felt like I was all starry-eyed and in Disneyland for old house owners. So many doors, reclaimed wood, detailed woodwork, everything.  Normal behavior for me nowadays - an employee gave me his cell phone number so I could call him personally with fir flooring dimensions and base molding lengths that I was looking for.  I am just going to roll with this stuff and call it spring fever. 

Neighbors with a tractor

Where I live is a little area of seven houses with acreage around a designated wetland area.  Recently, one neighbor lost his home to the bank.  A couple bought the house, which was in very bad repair, and for a ridiculously low price.  They have put alot of work into it since buying it - I hear chainsaws and big vehicles over there.  They are across the pond, so to speak, so only get glimpses when they leave their driveway but the other day I thought I saw a TRACTOR roll by.  Tractors make me giddy.  I need to rent one about once a year, and that usually runs me $400 for 4 hours.  Ouch. 

Driving home with one of my kids, the new neighbor was driving his garbage can to the street with said Kubota.  I put my car in park and ran out to meet him.  I don't know what he thought, but he seemed cautious and kept telling me about his girlfriend. Obviously, he cannot tell the difference between a woman hitting on him and a woman giddy over the prospect of tractor labor for free, or more accurately the cost of diesel and some baked goods.  He mellowed out when he realized I was solely focused on the orange machine he was driving and offered to come over and haul compost around my yard.  What! Of course you can be neighborly in such a manner! He was a super nice guy, as all my neighbors have turned out to be.  My neighbors: there is Cal, the gatekeeper to our community.  Literally, his house is at the main road and he keeps an eye out on the cars traversing our road.  There is the skilled carpenter and his family, she has had their house in a magazine for her design skills.  There are my retired neighbors who bring me fresh salmon, clams and most recently smoked salmon.
Don and Jan, probably my faves due to proximity.  I know them the best, too. Somewhat hardcore christians, not the mellow loving type - there is that undercurrent of fanaticism.  Jan told me God gave me the stroke so I would turn toward Him. I didn't have the heart to say that I don't believe in a God that would be so small minded and angry. That being said they are there in a heartbeat.  She prayed for my horse Bey when he was trying to colic.  I can only think that helped.  Two other families live here also, both friendly. I kinda lucked out on all of them.  And I get to add to the mix: nice couple with the tractor.

Honesty vs. Being a Nutjob.

A friend far away reads this blog.  She commented on my last few posts as being a little wacky, but very honest.  Well, yeah.  I am a little wacky and very honest, and she knows that.  There have been several directions  my life seems to be going, and I am still having issues with not controlling it.  I am so used to figuring everything out with my own skewed logic and brain power it is a challenge just letting things go.  I am not talking not mowing my lawn, not feeding my kids (although if you saw my house right now you would wonder about my letting go of keeping order.) But letting go of my future plans.  Understanding impermanence.  Basically all the crap I have heard about my whole life but made no sense.  Now, NOW, it makes sense.
This weekend I am 'getting away' to Oregon,  something I have not really needed since moving to this house.  The place I go is desolate and a special kind of beauty.  And whenever I go it just settles things.  Plus, my first dog's memory is on a mountaintop there.  And I have told everyone to cremate me and take me to the same place, which always seemed like a far off pie-in-the-sky time period.  It is not so pie-in-the-sky anymore.
While there I have a couple things to calm down about and figure out.  (Wait, did you not just hear me say I need to "let things go" and maybe "go with the flow"?) I am still workin' on that.
1. Someone asked me to watch their 6 month old.  This is not just any 6 month old, she is the greatest baby ever, and I am saying that when I have two kids which I thought were the greatest babies.  Infrequently, during the week.  My problem:  Being tied to my house.  Being tied to a baby, as deliriously joyful as she is.  And that whole caregiver role.  It is all I do. And babies take all your being.
2. I have a huge crush on my contractor.  I have not crushed since I was 19, and that man I married.  This man is just super outgoing, confident and quick minded which is a drug to me.  Well, that and coffee.  I know this will blow over and I will calm down but I feel like a nutjob.  Any tips? I feel too old for this.  My 17 year old should be doing this (not crushing on the contractor --  but being driven by hormones).  Sometimes I think men are more protective of a single female with her hands full.  I know my male neighbors keep an eye out and take care of random stuff without being asked (which makes me batshit crazy) . I have to remember the intent is not that they think I can't do it, but courteousness and being a good neighbor. Back to contractor: I also think he is looking for a great reference.  Like I said, it will all go away and blow over but right now it is a special kind of he** for me.
3.  I need to not avoid the medical field. That's it on that. 
4. I need to update my will and add a whole lot of end of life information.
5. I need to not be tempted to tell my daughter to go live with her dad when I am pissed. 

Oregon usually makes things very simple and clear.  That is what I need at the moment, clarity.