Honesty vs. Being a Nutjob.

A friend far away reads this blog.  She commented on my last few posts as being a little wacky, but very honest.  Well, yeah.  I am a little wacky and very honest, and she knows that.  There have been several directions  my life seems to be going, and I am still having issues with not controlling it.  I am so used to figuring everything out with my own skewed logic and brain power it is a challenge just letting things go.  I am not talking not mowing my lawn, not feeding my kids (although if you saw my house right now you would wonder about my letting go of keeping order.) But letting go of my future plans.  Understanding impermanence.  Basically all the crap I have heard about my whole life but made no sense.  Now, NOW, it makes sense.
This weekend I am 'getting away' to Oregon,  something I have not really needed since moving to this house.  The place I go is desolate and a special kind of beauty.  And whenever I go it just settles things.  Plus, my first dog's memory is on a mountaintop there.  And I have told everyone to cremate me and take me to the same place, which always seemed like a far off pie-in-the-sky time period.  It is not so pie-in-the-sky anymore.
While there I have a couple things to calm down about and figure out.  (Wait, did you not just hear me say I need to "let things go" and maybe "go with the flow"?) I am still workin' on that.
1. Someone asked me to watch their 6 month old.  This is not just any 6 month old, she is the greatest baby ever, and I am saying that when I have two kids which I thought were the greatest babies.  Infrequently, during the week.  My problem:  Being tied to my house.  Being tied to a baby, as deliriously joyful as she is.  And that whole caregiver role.  It is all I do. And babies take all your being.
2. I have a huge crush on my contractor.  I have not crushed since I was 19, and that man I married.  This man is just super outgoing, confident and quick minded which is a drug to me.  Well, that and coffee.  I know this will blow over and I will calm down but I feel like a nutjob.  Any tips? I feel too old for this.  My 17 year old should be doing this (not crushing on the contractor --  but being driven by hormones).  Sometimes I think men are more protective of a single female with her hands full.  I know my male neighbors keep an eye out and take care of random stuff without being asked (which makes me batshit crazy) . I have to remember the intent is not that they think I can't do it, but courteousness and being a good neighbor. Back to contractor: I also think he is looking for a great reference.  Like I said, it will all go away and blow over but right now it is a special kind of he** for me.
3.  I need to not avoid the medical field. That's it on that. 
4. I need to update my will and add a whole lot of end of life information.
5. I need to not be tempted to tell my daughter to go live with her dad when I am pissed. 

Oregon usually makes things very simple and clear.  That is what I need at the moment, clarity.

Memory Loss and Photography

Is this your car? How about your garage? Why did I take a picture of it? And why do I have absolflippinlutely no inkling or iota of a smidgen of a memory of taking this picture?
Early onset alzheimers is coming my way. At least I have a lot of time to prep my kids.

Women and Menopause Talk

I am 45. As in, my body according to my birth certificate is 45. My brain acts like it is somewhere around late crazy puberty -- say 19 -- and in my minds-eye I think I look 25. I just had my dental hygienist tell me all about her menopausal excitements and physical ailments, etc etc. I truly love that women can just blather on about menopause. I am fairly sure that many women in the past silently suffered through it, or grabbed guns and committed crimes (oh wait, probably not that) how about Felt Like grabbing guns or sharp implements or even pinching people at random. They had no outlet to express why or how or have understanding friends around to say "I know what you mean, I too wanted to pinch so-and-so."
I am thankful many women around me are experiencing this. I used to think it was boring to be a man, same ol' hormones, day in, day out. No mad rush of estrogen, no wild ride of hormones, no small furies that fill the sky above your head with sparkly dangerous lightning. As I fall deeper into this magical menopause land, I am thinking the ability to "put a cork in it" when I am doing one of my insane sounding grump fests might be nice. Especially when I am doing it to a newspaper reporter. Sometimes my "off" button is misplaced on my mouth. And that is not normal for me. I know I am going to be one of those in-your-face 70 year old women that everyone rolls their eyes at. At least I am getting used to it since I have a teenage girl.
Image courtesy http://www.flickr.com/photos/the_dugghouse/2443605131/

Ferry Riding Guide - Kingston to Edmonds run

There is just so much to say about this run. It is one of my faves, except on spring and summer weekends . That line up the hill to wait for the ferry takes forever in Edmonds and the wait on the hill in Kingston also bites. Don't take this ferry on the weekend to the peninsula/rainforest/Port Townsend or Twilight land. Take the Bainbridge, which just adds 15 minutes onto the drive, and cuts off 2 hours of sitting in your car waiting to get on the ferry.

Quick and long notes: I never see security checking the Edmonds side of the commute which kinda freaks me out, why exclude Edmonds from the sniffy dogs and people in uniform? The Edmonds gate people have the most charisma that they are willing to share. Other ferry booths also have personality, but most often you see them sharing that with each other. Some at Edmonds are also hilarious. One speaks german and is sparky. One is a little droll with droopy eyes. Mostly men work these gates. Mostly women run (what I call) the motorcycle gate on the dock. On the Kingston side, the ticket sellers can alternate between surly and pleasant. It should be noted that I have also seen some of the strangest tourist behavior on this boat, so they may be reflecting the clientele of the day. At least I have never seen them pound on a car, wave their arms, yell and swear as one of the main floor leads on the Bainbridge route has done.

The ferry ride itself is the shortest cross-Sound ride. When in Edmonds, there is not much next to the dock other than a couple espresso stands and three bars. If you really have time (and you usually do not once you are in the official ferry queue) a walk up the street can lead you to some "It's an Edmonds Kind Of Day" experiences. Although, less and less is evident as Edmonds tears down anything older or smaller and replaces it with.... oh lets guess.... condos? Condos that are built in a month and look it? The clue here was when they remodeled an older OLD structure that used to be full of shops, giant beams, wood floors, kinda squirrel-y, not to be duplicated type building into what? What? Ah yes. A building like friggin' every other building. People people people.
Dang, such a good digresser, am I.
OK. On the Kingston side : visit the bakery, first old building on the left when you get off the ferry. They have parking. Pies, cookies, cupcakes, rolls, bread, everything made fresh daily by friendly bakers who also are the cashiers. And everything can be single serving to go. If you are in the mood for ice cream, head over one block to Moras for homemade and across the street at the burger place for regular. The mora girls can be snorky, the burger place can get harried. But if you are nice, they will extend themselves. The little taco place next to Mora's rocks and is a cheap healthy alternative. The creperie at the corner is a blast to watch them make the crepes.
Regular ferry rules apply: Don't set your car alarm. Don't run on the boat. Turn your music down. Don't talk on the cell phone getting on or off the ferry. Hey, I just noticed I am a very Don't/No person. I shall rephrase.
Regular ferry rules apply: Do leave your car alarm off. The motion of the ferry will set it off and you will be called over the PA. Do maintain a walking pace while shipboard. Please keep your music trapped inside your car. Leave your cellphone off on boarding or disembarking the boat when driving. Coffee is a buck if you bring your own cup. (But their coffee has taken a turn for the worse, not sure what is up with that) Let's see, for the Edmonds/Kingston run in particular, be patient with the round headed car parker ferry workerman.

This ferry usually unloads exactly as they load. As in, you will get off loosely in the order you got on. Unlike the Bainbridge/Seattle run, although I noticed they were changing that a bit. I guess those ferry captains talk or email each other about what works, and what doesn't.

Strange ferry phenomenon: When someone honks, other cars honk. Even if you have no idea what the honking is for. Like they are all a herd of geese and have no other purpose. Kinda like when our dog barks because she hears a neighbor dog bark. She has no clue what it is barking about but just wants to put in her two cents. I tell her to hush, if she does not know what everyone is barking about she should not copy. She should have her own reason for barking, and not just follow the crowd. If she was a lemming or a teenager, she would have big problems.

Old House - New Owners

Just got an email from the new owners of our Seattle house. They sound happy, which makes me happy. I was worried they were gonna tear the house down, NOT that it is a prime example of post-war architecture in the Seattle area, just because it is a solid house made out of real wood with glass door knobs. Although I never loved that house, it made us a great home for 11 years, and I patted it on the wall and murmured thank you as I left for the last time. Well, unless you count the time I broke into our old house before they moved in because... is this a 'me' thing or what.... I left my purse in the house. The whole house is empty and hollow and echo-ey... and I leave my purse right on the counter, and lock the doors leaving them the keys to the doors sitting next to my purse.

Me!

This is one of my favorite pictures of me when I was young. Well, there are others but they are totally delusional is terms of they don't look like me. Photos can be deceiving. And then we get to wear make-up to play with the whole perspective. I am currently rounder, shorter, wider, older, longer haired but less of it .. but the out of place hair is accurate. Photoshop is a wonderful thing. And friends that use photoshop on your pictures is a wonderful thing.

Daily Life

I am realizing this can be the news that all my friends and family always gripe that they never hear from me. I endlessly have to say "have I told you?" since it seems I am always talking and telling stories but invariably the person I am asking does not know.

Just who am I telling all these stories to if no one is saying they have heard them???

Now they can be all in one pat location.

Pic: Bella Bella Totem Pole Detail - Bear.