Thanksgiving from Don

I have a friend who is a big sender of forwarded emails. He did not have a link to where this came from... but I got a kick out of it.

Greetings All,
>
> For those of you who are coming to my place for Thanksgiving dinner,
> Martha Stewart ain't gonna be here! I'm telling you in advance, so don't
> act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small
> changes:
>
> Our sidewalk will NOT be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After
> a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of
> flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
>
> Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated
> with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make.
> Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in decorating by having them track
> in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.
>
> The dining table will NOT be covered with expensive linens, fancy
> china,or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and
> everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain
> from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last
> Christmas.
>
> Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I
> promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration
> hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The children assure me
> it is a turkey.
>
> We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while
> you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I
> have made regarding Thanksgiving, Pilgrims, and the turkey hot line.
> Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon
> discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
>
> As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of
> tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a
> recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously
> like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.
>
> We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the
> start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.
> We'll just holler, "come and eat."
>
> We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke
> alarm sounds (remember - Robin is doing most of the cooking), please gather around the table and sit where you like. In
> the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate
> table. .....in a separate room......next door.
>
> Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in
> front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at
> our dinner.
>
> For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I
> stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the
> kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check
> on my progress. I have an electric knife.
>
> The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win.
> When I do, we will eat. I would like to take this opportunity to remind
> my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is
> it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.
>
>
> Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice
> between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the
> traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small
> fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.
>
> Martha Stewart will NOT be dining with us this year. Next year is not
> looking good either.
HAPPY [EARLY] THANKSGIVING