When I can step back mentally from my life, I see it is a giant continuum. When I am in it day-to-day, staring the grindstone right in the nose and not able to get a wider perspective, all I see is a long to-do list. Because of my inability to prioritize (or lack of desire to) divorce is just another item to cross of that big to-do list. Unfortunately, it also has much emotional crap tied up in it which makes it a bigger item to cross off. Unlike, say, putting up the bathroom mirror, which has very little emotion connected with it, other than if I smash my thumb flat with the hammer. Then there would be emotion.
Other folks around me also give perspective. I happen to have individuals who are all in various stages of partnerdom. And that lends mental assistance to what I am doing with Michael. This marriage thing is not an easy path, and when I hear tales of new marriage, of old marriage, of no marriage, there are struggles. Take two people, raised differently, plop them in the same relationship, and it can be dicey, cranky and insanely fun. How we handle it, how we cope, is a great guide (or not) on how I can navigate through these strange waters. I am just hoping I don't have a heart attack from the crazy anxiety. Fear sucks. Especially since I don't normally operate from a fear-based existence. I try to look at it as a Big Adventure that will soon be over.
Photo: The second of three big piles that were thrown out the bathroom window during the remodel. It seemed appropriate.
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