I have lived in Kitsap Co. almost three years. I have several acquaintances that would step in to help during an emergency. Also, neighbors that can pick up my kids from school if something happens or take them to baseball practice when I get delayed at work. But I don't have that nearby friend to call to commiserate on shoes, grey hair, grass allergies, paranoia and motherhood (those don't all necessarily roll together....although could on a rough day.) I still have my main Seattle friends as talking buddies and that is most evident when my cell phone bill arrives. There is a life I have thrown myself into here, that I didn't fully comprehend when I left the bounds of my 25 years with the kids dad. That of an easily identifiable and non-threatening wife and mother in a house with a volvo and minivan. Oh yeah, yeah, I am so much more than that, but for simple discussion we will talk of outward appearances. There is no thought involved to understand the life I used to lead. Kids in soccer, dance, piano. Worked part-time in a non-profit, and husband worked main-line business.
Now I live without a husband in a farmhouse on property. With two children and not working. Tell me what these words mean to you: Single mother. Unemployed. Living alone.
If that was all you knew... what do you see in your minds eye? Would you want your children playing with mine? How about inviting me over for dinner? Would I hit on your husband? Hit on your wife? Do I have a constant stream of unreliable men in my life and bedroom? Are my kids being exposed to drug and alcohol abuse? Am I on welfare?
I feel I have to explain myself more now. I have to gently move conversations to guide understanding of what I am doing, who we are, why we are here. So gently I go. Not necessarily patiently, but gently. I am the same woman, sort of.
Friday, April 29, 2011
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