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blueshoefarm at gmail dot com.... and that would be how to reach me

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Single Mom Next Door

I have lived in Kitsap Co. almost three years. I have several acquaintances that would step in to help during an emergency. Also, neighbors that can pick up my kids from school if something happens or take them to baseball practice when I get delayed at work. But I don't have that nearby friend to call to commiserate on shoes, grey hair, grass allergies, paranoia and motherhood (those don't all necessarily roll together....although could on a rough day.) I still have my main Seattle friends as talking buddies and that is most evident when my cell phone bill arrives. There is a life I have thrown myself into here, that I didn't fully comprehend when I left the bounds of my 25 years with the kids dad. That of an easily identifiable and non-threatening wife and mother in a house with a volvo and minivan. Oh yeah, yeah, I am so much more than that, but for simple discussion we will talk of outward appearances. There is no thought involved to understand the life I used to lead. Kids in soccer, dance, piano. Worked part-time in a non-profit, and husband worked main-line business.
Now I live without a husband in a farmhouse on property. With two children and not working. Tell me what these words mean to you: Single mother. Unemployed. Living alone.
If that was all you knew... what do you see in your minds eye? Would you want your children playing with mine? How about inviting me over for dinner? Would I hit on your husband? Hit on your wife? Do I have a constant stream of unreliable men in my life and bedroom? Are my kids being exposed to drug and alcohol abuse? Am I on welfare?

I feel I have to explain myself more now. I have to gently move conversations to guide understanding of what I am doing, who we are, why we are here. So gently I go. Not necessarily patiently, but gently. I am the same woman, sort of.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Ilness floating around in the hail

Not sure where our spring is. I have not even started the garden. And it is end of April. Is is warm where you are? It hailed today, Wilder was sick the beginning of the week, Rose is sick now, and I am really trying to stay healthy. One of the horses is sick, the vet is coming tomorrow. When I write all this down it seems like everyone has come down with something.

For the record: the dog and cat are fine.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Cranky post - Not your elected officials fault

Yesterday I had hay delivered. When the fellow was telling me how much my total was... he added : and $32... for the governor. Today, negotiating on a car, when I was trying to push them on price... the salesman said... well, that $1300 dollars is non-negotiable that goes to Christine. (*Christine Gregoire is our governor) I got politely cranky, and said... actually it does not go to Christine. It goes to our state. Which we are all a part of and includes the road and ferry I would drive this new car on. And also funds things that all our elected officials have decided, no matter what party they belong to and many that were decided long before Christine got into office.
Whether you voted for them or not, they represent all of us. And believe it or not, if you call their office they will not ask your party affiliation, they will help in whatever way they are able. This hatred of politicians is ridiculous. Do you really think they are so much different than yourself? What the hell happened to everyone's civility? So I don't agree with how .000021% of the federal budget (or my state budget, county budget etc) gets spent so I vilify the individuals we elected? And go all wackjob about it? Spewing hate of someone I have never met?
I know I am also reacting to the birth certificate issue with Obama. Good lord people, this is what you have the attention span to care about? Not any of those wars we have stumbled into, not our spiraling debt, but a birth certificate? Arghh.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Options and Identity

Pic totally unrelated to topic: Next to the Edmonds ferry dock is an odd little wetlands of sorts. It is riddled with the noxious weed purple loosestrife in the summer.

This is what it is. I get my identity from my job. When I was an executive director or manager that was it. When I am not working, I still get my identity from my job - my mom job. When I am looking for work, it is a constant see-saw between keeping myself child focused or career focused. I can go for the higher paying fully sustainable income... with the subsequent dinnertime meetings and overtime or the easier less hours job that would require ex-husband financial assistance while the kids are still in school.
I see it has been good for my kids to have a parent more accessible and home as I have been since November (when I quit my job of eight years.) It feels like a pull between screwing my retirement and present independence for their home life stability. I actually have no problem with that at this point, I signed up for this mom job. It is just stopping me from moving forward. I want off the ex-husband gravy train. I spent many years paying to have other people help raise my kids at a preschool or after school program. It did some good things when they were excellent loving people and taught us all positive discipline and alternative ways of bringing up kids, but it was also crappy when they were unhappy gals in dead-end jobs that weren't particularly fond of small people. I see-saw alot on this topic.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Signs of a Good Blog : 500 words or less

One of the business bloggers had a list of the top 10 things (or top 3 or 5... my mind is a bit fuzzy now) you need to do to create a successful blog. What I recall : use readable fonts and colors, not too contrast-y, don't use black as a background... and keep posts to 500 words or less.

That last one is a corker.

I am so sorry you all are not reading a successful blog right now. Because, besides my sometimes repetitive, grammar challenged funky non-linear thinking I can roll into..... I am long-winded. There are stories out there, and I just gotta type the whole damn thing. Every stinky little nuance. Sorry. Pic: What I will never have alot of from blogging.

Drive-in in the middle of nowhere

We discovered the strangest thing when we were checking out the kids school options two years ago. In between the two schools down an unidentified dirt road was a perfectly designed drive-in 50's style diner. Literally, you are walking from the middle school to the high school down a rough gravel road, and boom, there it was behind a locked fence. I just stood on the other side and said : huh. Weird place for a restaurant. In the middle of nowhere, with no advertising on the main road, and no apparent business. It was a mystery until this year, when I was at school early to pick up Wilder and they were having a school emergency drill outside. It looked like it was going to be a while, so I wandered down the path and found the diner again. This time the gate was unlocked, great! I walked down to look in the windows. An energetic man and calm woman gestured me in. Before I knew it, I was getting a tour of the building... which was 10,000 square feet. Way way bigger than it looks on the outside. He had memorabilia from the last 100+ years laying about... on tables, on shelves. The owner told me he rents it out for events. There was a dancing room, game room, room with classic cars, soda fountain, juke box and booths. It was a surreal experience. I went home and looked it up online: and saw what it looks like all lit up in neon. The owner created a diner on a rural patch of land to hold his personal collection. It has never been a working restaurant, nor a public museum. I will say it again: huh.

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