Doctors and who to sue if I keel over.

I am putting this in writing.  Today I went to the cardiologist.  I stood in line to check in behind five people, two in wheelchairs.  I sat in the waiting room with a dozen folks.  The average age was 20+ years older than me. Out of a dozen patients... I was the only person in that room able to drive herself to an appointment.

Just figured out the new camera on my computer... don't I look tired after a day of docs?

I am having issues being taken seriously in the doctors office.  I look healthy.  I am sparky. (Oh, especially if I have an excellent double shot of espresso before heading in to the doctors office).  I am eloquent.  And If I am not, I write it down so I don't forget.  I am confident.  I don't whine, cry, or look sad.  Worried, yes.  I want them to take this seriously so I put on my "work face".  The one that I would use to get people to donate money and the one for public presentations.  I need something from them, so I express that need.  My old doctor pre-stroke blew off all my CLASSIC stroke symptoms because she said it was menopause symptoms.  I feel like my cardiologist blows me off because I am female, way younger than him, don't smoke, don't drink (enough), have a healthy heart, am a decent weight, eat well.  When I am in front of him, my heart is fine.  Well no duh.  After telling me I had a small stroke, (when my neurologist calls it a serious stroke) he suggested it was anxiety.  That sounds a lot like he is going down the menopause road.    They can make me feel like a hypochondriac until I remember... nope, not a hypochondriac if I had a stupid stroke people. 

Note: I am the least litigious person in the world.  I am not condoning suing. There is a lack of significant medical studies on women, menopause and embolic episodes, hence a lack of comfort by doctors to venture  outside of the "averages" of prescription drugs and medical journals.. Unless I find a study of some sort -   my medical concerns will not be addressed fully until a) I do have a heart attack or another stroke or b) I age.  Probably need to find other doctors, too.

Heart Story Part 1

Related to the previous story is that my grandfather died of a heart attack. Early on in my stroke diagnoses, there were many heart tests -  since unhealthy hearts run in my family. The clot that  lodged in my brain is a direct line from my heart - so my neurologist is sure the embolus came from the heart, the cardiologists have just not been able to replicate my hearts antics.  When she heard my story of ending up at a Port Townsend church,  a friend said "your grandfather must be trying to tell you something. " I pondered on that... what would he tell me? He was a driven German, oldest man to climb the Sierra Nevada mountains, world traveler, - he made the gyro that guided Apollo 13 - and the last 25 years of his life he totally changed his life after a bypass surgery.

In January, there was a class on healthy hearts at the church. I signed up, thinking it was medical knowledge- you know...healthy food, exercise equals healthy heart...etc etc.  and could always be useful information. Turns out it was on meditation, opening your heart, and an Eastern medicine approach.  I sat through the class and realized I have a guarded temperament about my heart.   It took some conscious effort in that class to release that closed off part of me, walk a little straighter and think, "open your damn heart, Andrea". (My words, not the gentle-spoken man that taught the class.)  Between the bible verse randomly left on my car about opening your heart, and ending up with my grandfathers minister at my church perhaps I should listen to something that is hard for me to understand.  Or perhaps more appropriate.. hard for me to listen to.

My kids.  The reason to keep voraciously battling these BS health issues. 

s.

Kids. House. Health.

1. Kids. 
I had a dream:  My children were kidnapped.  Taken to an apartment complex which I tracked them to and waited.  I had to rescue them so I enlisted the help of the police.
Reality: My kids are teenagers... it is like they have been kidnapped. Rose has repeatedly pushed the ticket and a couple times gotten into trouble.  She just opened up about acquaintances and friends being abused, drugs, sex ... all that crap that I hoped she could avoid until adulthood (NAIVE I KNOW).  Wilder is 13.  Enough said.
2. Getting work done on my house.
 I slowly figured out my house is an analogy for me.  I cannot fix all the things with me, but I can on the house.  Like new posts, beams, and joists to strengthen the foundation of my house....will also somehow strengthen me.  At least I am aware I am delusional.  There is concrete improvement occurring on the house that you can document and take photos of  which is not available with my health.  There are no pictures to be taken of my returned ability to stay awake for 16 hours straight or work an 8 hour day.  Or the lifting (89% of the time) of the fog on my slogging self-repairing brain.    I feel lucky.  But obviously not lucky enough to win the powerball (ohhh, think what I could do to the house then!!) (that may be because I did not buy a ticket...)
 

Meet only person who has ever hollered YAY about a head tumor

A week ago Rose had her first debate competition. I was a judge. It was crammed full of high schoolers from Washington, noisy, action-packed. I was there 12 hours and after two hours could not be in the building without sunglasses. It is as if my brain was screaming, and when I put sunglasses on it quieted down. Other judges non-stop conversations put me on edge also.
I went out to the car, and silence, a couple times to maintain. Sunday, I got bouts of vertigo. That was one of the symptoms of my pre-stroke so I was concerned. My usual behavior (pre-stroke) was to push onward, but on Sunday night I knew to take symptoms seriously and go to the hospital. I waited until I dropped off the kids at school on Monday and hopped on a ferry to my neurologists hospital. (Sidebar: If there was a true emergency, I would call 911. But not without alot of reservations. Last time I called was for a different stroke symptom (my low low bloodpressure skyrocketed to 200/120), they did an EKG in my driveway, the first thing they said to me was "Have I been drinking" and the fellow ACTUALLY BLUSHED when he had to put on the sticky heart things when I lifted my shirt. I think your medical professionals should have enough experience to know they are there to do a job, not get a date. They also said that the hospital would not do anything... I've been there, and agree.) Back to my Seattle hospital...
At my docs hospital I was whizzed through blood tests, x-rays and MRI in less than an hour. My neurologist was immediately contacted.
After a while, the emergency room doctor came in and said "I think we know why you are dizzy, you have a brain tumor." I kid you not, I yelled YAY! Because a tumor I (think) I can deal with. It is finite, there is a beginning and an end to it, and protocol of how to handle it. The stroke already has me dealing with updating my will and the unpredictability of life. I have no fear left for the tumor... I think it's been all used up on the stroke.
The tumor gives a valid reason I am having these stroke-like symptoms. It also shows the doctors I am not making this shit up. I don't know how patients can deal... with PT's, doctors, that hear symptom after symptom which is repetitive for them and normal... but first timer patients are traumatized . I have been on tenterhooks since having a stroke in July. Since this is the first time in my life my bevy of doctors did not look me in the eye and say "You will be fine," I take that to mean (note my usual exaggeration) "You are one step away from the grave." At no time in my zero to age 46 medical visits has a doctor not said I will be fine, now they cannot, because they don't know. The stroke has put a wrinkle in my long term lifespan, my projected end date has just moved closer according to insurance statistics. I don't like that, but as every single solitary person on this planet will face the same thing at some point, it is not something I can argue with. I am learning to look at things differently... a paradigm shift of sorts.
For the record, it is not in my brain, but in my head.... a common tumor, slow growing, usually benign, not the type to move into the lymphatic system. I will have to do something, either take it out or gamma knife it. I was somewhat overwhelmed with stroke knowledge... since I know nothing about them, now I am in a whole new territory. Ah well, at least I like learning new things.

Weather Analogies

So far there is no reason they have discovered for the stroke. I have had two of every test, a light put down my throat to look at my heart, my arteries scrutinized for signs of plaque and blockage, MRI's and heart monitors. I have a clean bill of health. A good heart and arteries. My neurologist called my stroke "a lightening strike" my GP called it a "perfect storm".
My recovery is interesting. Every day is better, but there are still times when brain strength reaches sensory overload and just shuts down. As in, I need closed-eye time, not to sleep, just to reset. A sleep specialist said it best when describing my uneven nighttime sleep : since the brain had a major trauma, at night it repairs. And that is not a restful process.
At least I can type again, although slow. It was funny to see my typing right after the stroke... my left hand was waaaay slower than my right and so it would come out as typed gobbledeegook but my brain did not register that my hand was not behaving accordingly. Same with balance... I was stepping over a fence and caught my left foot which my brain did not recognize as caught. I know I have a left side, I can see it and feel it. I am just not aware of the space it occupies.

Stroke Update

Hello, I'm Andrea's daughter and I am just updating on her condition. She had a stroke that took place in the right side of her brain resulting in weakness in the left side of her body. She is getting a lot of tests done to see what the cause of the stroke was. She is getting better, but the recovery proccess is gradual. If you didn't know her, you might not notice anything wrong with her. She cant quite type right because her left side can't keep up with the right and that causes difficulties.

Left turn.

This is a little out of the ordinary. On Wednesday I had a stroke. It is Friday, and I am home, but I am not sure how frequently I will post for the next couple weeks. I will however, be reading all of your blogs to keep me entertained!

Interior door - concussion weapon

A bit more than a week ago my bathroom door that was removed from the hinges fell over and tried to knock me out. Luckily, I have a hard head, but did not feel too well for a couple days. First injury of the remodel has happened. I also got a completely lame blister raking leaves.
That door was going to cost me $150 to dip strip it in a methylene chloride based bath. My professional woodworking neighbor said my antique door could fall apart if I dunked it in a wet bath... the dunk can make the joints all fall apart. I heeded his advice and went to the paint store and for a can of paint remover instead. Took off the black glass door knobs and plates. Hauled it outside to the garage.
Already I see the door has been through several color changes. It is damaged, dented and needs some lovin'. That's what I am here for. I shall take care of you sad little door.
Pics to follow.

Women and Menopause Talk

I am 45. As in, my body according to my birth certificate is 45. My brain acts like it is somewhere around late crazy puberty -- say 19 -- and in my minds-eye I think I look 25. I just had my dental hygienist tell me all about her menopausal excitements and physical ailments, etc etc. I truly love that women can just blather on about menopause. I am fairly sure that many women in the past silently suffered through it, or grabbed guns and committed crimes (oh wait, probably not that) how about Felt Like grabbing guns or sharp implements or even pinching people at random. They had no outlet to express why or how or have understanding friends around to say "I know what you mean, I too wanted to pinch so-and-so."
I am thankful many women around me are experiencing this. I used to think it was boring to be a man, same ol' hormones, day in, day out. No mad rush of estrogen, no wild ride of hormones, no small furies that fill the sky above your head with sparkly dangerous lightning. As I fall deeper into this magical menopause land, I am thinking the ability to "put a cork in it" when I am doing one of my insane sounding grump fests might be nice. Especially when I am doing it to a newspaper reporter. Sometimes my "off" button is misplaced on my mouth. And that is not normal for me. I know I am going to be one of those in-your-face 70 year old women that everyone rolls their eyes at. At least I am getting used to it since I have a teenage girl.
Image courtesy http://www.flickr.com/photos/the_dugghouse/2443605131/