Easy Surgery

Friday I went in and out of the hospital for my tumor killin' event.  I was giddy before the procedure and giddy after, although the after was probably affected by all the drugs they were shooting in my IV.
The doctors said the after effects of my gamma ray treatment would be exhaustion, and my experience with exhaustion after a brain trauma is of course, the way I felt after the stroke.  Dang tired. Bone numbing exhaustion.  So I thought this would be like that without the body idiosyncracies, balance issues, and weakness. This is nothing like that-- I feel pretty normal with no exhaustion.  The only residual effect is a botox looking forhead from the local anaesthesia they used to attached the pins in my cranium.  The grossest part according to my friend who took me and actually watched.
I am now in a suite hotel with three tv's and a kitchen, king size bed, watching cable tv (a big deal since we don't have tv at my house, we watch everything on hulu) getting spoiled by friends.

In a year with a stroke and tumor, I feel very, very lucky.  That I seem to be coming out of these physical traumas relatively unscathed.  Sometimes you look for a explanations, reasons, a cause,  to understand.  But I am realizing sometimes there are none, this is just the way our lives can roll.  You can reach toward faith, family, religion to try to make you feel in control, like there is a reason or a master plan why funky stuff happens.  Whatever works for a person and makes them able to handle their fears and anxiety is a wonderful road to head down.  I headed down many avenues to find answers and I can't say there was any one solution for me.  But I learned a lot.

Funny during the season of family and friends I am bluntly reminded about what is important. I know this will make me a better friend, since I am seeing the best side of my loved ones.  I hope I never have to reciprocate what they have done, but at least now I know how to do it with grace and selflessness.  Maybe my blog is aptly named.

Meet only person who has ever hollered YAY about a head tumor

A week ago Rose had her first debate competition. I was a judge. It was crammed full of high schoolers from Washington, noisy, action-packed. I was there 12 hours and after two hours could not be in the building without sunglasses. It is as if my brain was screaming, and when I put sunglasses on it quieted down. Other judges non-stop conversations put me on edge also.
I went out to the car, and silence, a couple times to maintain. Sunday, I got bouts of vertigo. That was one of the symptoms of my pre-stroke so I was concerned. My usual behavior (pre-stroke) was to push onward, but on Sunday night I knew to take symptoms seriously and go to the hospital. I waited until I dropped off the kids at school on Monday and hopped on a ferry to my neurologists hospital. (Sidebar: If there was a true emergency, I would call 911. But not without alot of reservations. Last time I called was for a different stroke symptom (my low low bloodpressure skyrocketed to 200/120), they did an EKG in my driveway, the first thing they said to me was "Have I been drinking" and the fellow ACTUALLY BLUSHED when he had to put on the sticky heart things when I lifted my shirt. I think your medical professionals should have enough experience to know they are there to do a job, not get a date. They also said that the hospital would not do anything... I've been there, and agree.) Back to my Seattle hospital...
At my docs hospital I was whizzed through blood tests, x-rays and MRI in less than an hour. My neurologist was immediately contacted.
After a while, the emergency room doctor came in and said "I think we know why you are dizzy, you have a brain tumor." I kid you not, I yelled YAY! Because a tumor I (think) I can deal with. It is finite, there is a beginning and an end to it, and protocol of how to handle it. The stroke already has me dealing with updating my will and the unpredictability of life. I have no fear left for the tumor... I think it's been all used up on the stroke.
The tumor gives a valid reason I am having these stroke-like symptoms. It also shows the doctors I am not making this shit up. I don't know how patients can deal... with PT's, doctors, that hear symptom after symptom which is repetitive for them and normal... but first timer patients are traumatized . I have been on tenterhooks since having a stroke in July. Since this is the first time in my life my bevy of doctors did not look me in the eye and say "You will be fine," I take that to mean (note my usual exaggeration) "You are one step away from the grave." At no time in my zero to age 46 medical visits has a doctor not said I will be fine, now they cannot, because they don't know. The stroke has put a wrinkle in my long term lifespan, my projected end date has just moved closer according to insurance statistics. I don't like that, but as every single solitary person on this planet will face the same thing at some point, it is not something I can argue with. I am learning to look at things differently... a paradigm shift of sorts.
For the record, it is not in my brain, but in my head.... a common tumor, slow growing, usually benign, not the type to move into the lymphatic system. I will have to do something, either take it out or gamma knife it. I was somewhat overwhelmed with stroke knowledge... since I know nothing about them, now I am in a whole new territory. Ah well, at least I like learning new things.