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blueshoefarm at gmail dot com.... and that would be how to reach me

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Note from soon to be divorced woman to women who are not

Just because my marriage failed.... does not mean I hate men. It does not mean I am coveting your husband or boyfriend or girlfriend. It does not mean anything but that My Marriage Failed. It has nothing to do with anyone but my (former) husband and myself. It is not about you. I don't hate marriage. I don't hate commitment. Just because my marriage failed does not mean that you only tell me about when your marriage or partnership is having hard times - as if I am so much more receptive to hearing that sort of stuff or it brings me joy. Because I am getting a divorce does not mean that to commiserate with me you share "how you have considered divorce" or how unhappy you are with your chosen partner or "how you just can't stand your partner but can't leave for (insert reason here)." Take it up with a therapist.

Added Note: It seems this is a bit harsh. The base point I am trying to make is in a life, people are together, people fall apart, people pull apart. Yes, I am getting a divorce. But I was also part of a couple, (I thought happily) for 20 years. I was hitting a streak of people only telling me their crap stories about their (purported) loved ones. You all gotta deal with that. I understand being trapped, feeling powerless, getting stuck. But at some point you need to make a move, whether that be counseling with your partner, by yourself, or whatever. I can listen, but don't only pull negative stuff out of the air to think that will bond us. I actually like hearing the good stuff.


Anonymous said...

Hi, Boy you sound cranky. Someone must have shared way way too much with you. Mom

April said...

The coveting thing is really annoying, isn't it? It may take them a while, but they'll come around and see that you're still you.

Feathers said...

I tell ya, you need a T-shirt,
something pithy and sassy.....

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