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blueshoefarm at gmail dot com.... and that would be how to reach me

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

More strange spring stuff.

At this point I am just documenting these things. 
1. Went to church, the minister themed his sermon around a Walt Whitman poem.  (Is it any wonder I like this congregation... a sermon around Whitman?) Not just any Whitman, but his one of freedom and open roads. It smacked "car trip" to me and all the spirit lifting, fast driving, empty road feelings from when I used to be a frequent imbiber of hot footing it in an old car across desolate places in the West accompanied only by a dog. 
Yesterday I went to the library while waiting for Wilder to finish his dance.  Pulled out 20 books everything from "refinishing a garage" to "building paths and walkways". 
I opened the pages of the first book and what was on the opening page?
Walt Whitman's same poem.
2. My bank is collecting for the homeless youth in the area. For a small community, we seem to have a lot of parents that are unable or unwilling to take care of their kids. I won't even go into my venting action about this, suffice it to say it makes me angry and sad.  The kids needed basics like hats and hygiene products so while  I was in Rite-Aid waiting for a prescription I did some shopping.  A  gal who has helped me many times walked by and said "hi".   My hands were full of deodorant and teenage paraphernalia so I told her what I was doing.  She cocked her head to one side and was very thoughtful when she said : that is a really important thing to do.  She is about my age and went on to lightly sketch a story of her own parentless childhood raising her siblings and what helped her through.   She didn't do it for pity, it was just a sharing of common experience.  At the end of it there was a hug. (What is it with the hugs by strangers??? )

I feel like something is going to happen.  I have these experiences over and over, and either it is because I am not listening so they are repeated... or that I am gearing up for something.  
I guess I am gearing up for life and all that brings.  Things are changing.  I am a security driven person, so even though I love new and different paths, I generally stay to the tried and true for me.  Insurance.  A solid home.  A savings account.  I added that "for me" because some friends would say I am not security driven.  Going to new places by myself.  Hunting ghost towns in desolate areas in aging cars.  Buying a house an hour from friends and family that needs a lot of work,  and then having to learn how to do it.   (I have a lot of books!)
I need a damn divorce.  The stroke and its consequent medical bills kept me married.  I greatly dislike that but do not want to risk losing what I have built because of health blips driving me to bankruptcy.  With health insurance, really good killer health insurance that pays everything... there is no risk.  (See, safety driven!)  He does not seem to have a problem with it, but I do.  I will never be free from him since we have kids, but I need to not be in his life as anything but a former partner. 

Wilder's photograph for art.


Karen Anne said...

If I remember correctly, health insurance companies can no longer deny you insurance because of pre-existing conditions. I'm not sure there's any limit on the premiums they can charge, though.

Blue Shoe Farm said...

Karen Anne- No, they can't get me for pre-existing. It is going from a plush insurance that pays for every iota to something more normal, that doesn't. I will figure it out eventually!

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