Financial Advice and Divorce

I went to a financial advisor yesterday. Looked up one that is a member of NAPFA, since they are fee-based only, and their advice is not affected by any commissions they may receive. The downside is since they do not receive those commissions, they charge a fairly high hourly rate. BUT, the advice is invaluable.

She rolled into talk of money markets, EFT, stocks, bonds, short term, long term on and on and on and my brain glazed over. My eyes were appropriately making eye contact and head nodding at the opportune moment, but my brain went far far away. I figure by the end of all this I will completely understand these concepts, but yesterday I was listening to a language I don't speak.

Then to throw in the upcoming divorce, and how to divide monies and responsibilities and bank accounts and ...

again, on and on and on.

Image: Totally unrelated empty MalWart interior. My financial advisor works out of a very nice waterfront home. Not Walmart.

Bathroom Door Stripped

Top to bottom: (re)finished door hardware and painted door

mid: Door coming back from the furniture stripper store

bottom : door hardware before clean-up.

The door is back on the bathroom. We have been living with a curtain nailed to the door frame for bathroom shower privacy. A door works much better. Obviously. I began stripping this at home, but with the weather not warm enough for me to do it outside, I was worried I would asphyxiate my family. It was offgassing something fierce, and there was lead paint on it etc etc. So off it went to the furniture stripper/restorer in Bremerton. Once they took off the 9 layers of paint, they repaired it with glue and dowels where it had cracked half way down the door to the knob assembly. The one thing I wanted to document was the colors. Light pink was the first coat. There was a seafoam green, a grungy green, bright blue, layers of versions of white. I saw a brand new version of this door (four panel, inverted cross) at my local Ace Hardware for $140. Yeah, I coulda put a new door on here, but what would be the story material in that? This door, in all it's uneven glory, has stood with the house through all sorts of livin.' When I uncover the bright colors in this house, I want THAT story. There is someone who lived here who was either embracing the hippie era vibrant colors, or someone was trying to make Victorian era decor in a very plain farmhouse. Eventually, I will figure that one out when I track all the previous owners. There was the time the house was locked and barricaded closed from the outside, so it must have been vacant at one point.

Stripping the door hardware was finicky, being that the materials used originally were not high end. That is steel with a finish over it. And black glass door knobs. My fave way of stripping paint off of metal is boiling water, but I read online that if you do this to steel, it will rust up in no time. I am here to document that if you strip it and treat the surface it will do fine. I used bronze metal spray paint, and/or clear lacquer.

Phone messages

For some reason our son is in the other room playing all the phone messages. I don't know why I have not deleted these, other than there is the plumber apologizing for disappearing... my kids in various places checking in... friends singing me happy birthday and one of my mom saying "Hi, I hope you are having fun... I hope you are not lifting heavy things like trees or toilets!"

Gotta love that. Could that be why I am going to the physical therapist next week for my back? Huh.

Movie ratings are screwed up in our country

There is something completely hooey in our rating system. Case in point : went to the Green Hornet two weeks ago. Rated PG-13. Went to the King's Speech tonight. Rated R.
Walked out of the Green Hornet thinking there was a WHOLE lotta violence in smooshed human carnage. No blood splatters, but you see people get smashed and killed. It is somewhat presented as a kids movie, and I saw it with our son and a friend of his. I actually covered their eyes at a part. (they were nonplussed about the whole thing, and humored me)
The King's Speech R rating? Well I imagine it was because he says the word fuck and shit when overcoming his speech impediment. That was it. No skin, no violence other than raised voices.
PG-13? Multiple deaths. Shooting. Sex (implied, not shown). Scantily clad babes moving to the beat and drinkin' alcohol. Drug selling. Hitting. Guns. A gang attacking a woman.
Here is where I get all crazy talkin'.
Why is it okay for our children to become immune or at least comfortable with watching violent acts -- something that they may not ever see or be a part of in their "real life" -- but sexual material and language are taboo? Sex which is vital for our species, and bad language which pretty much everyone will be exposed to in their lifetime...
WTF? Makes me really cranky. I read somewhere that our movies become more violent in times of war. To keep our adrenaline up? To keep us on the aggressive?
As an aside. I loved both movies. The GreenHornet was tapping into my old crazy love of cars. The car is genius. Had a bit of chitty chitty bang bang coupled with the batmobile.
Rose went with me to the Kings Speech. Boy, did she ever NOT want to go. But she was surprised, and loved it. Mr. Firth rocks.

Divorce Prep

I don't know how people do this. Besides a low level of anxiety I am having over everything under the sun... getting together the budgets, the savings, the house info, how to split things, who gets the tax write off on the kids, when the kids are at who's house when, and then formalizing it all with the State of Washington is daunting. Especially when I feel like it is all on my plate.
Since Dennis' family health insurance rocks bigtime, I have been doing all the things I procrastinated on before the separation. Some were unavoidable... such as the surgery I was supposed to be having for the last 5 years, or the glasses I can no longer put off getting (my great eyesight has turned into blurry distant mush.) It should be noted that at yesterdays general checkup, for the first time in the history of me getting my blood drawn, I have too much iron in my blood. This has never happened and let me tell ya, it is night and day difference for living.

Have went to a financial advisor to assist with cost of living issues (budget!), looking at schools for Wilder, getting Rose through driver's ed, dealing with her (and my) fluctuating mood rollercoasters, and standard stuff of getting them to dentist appts, playdates, piano class, all the while keeping those doors open for communication about all the crappy, mundane and joyful things they have to deal with at their age.
Michael and I both did budgets. In his, there is no cost associated with the kids. It is all his life costs only. He has no problem paying for all the things they participate in, or need for school, he just doesn't reflect that in what he considers his budget. When I was talking with our financial advisor and telling her about how we are going about the divorce process (amicably)... she asked ... "Why on earth are you getting a divorce??" It did not strike her that we battled enough for this. From the outside, most people think Michael and I get along too well for divorce. We don't throw things, we don't badmouth each other in front of the kids, he funds anything and everything that I want to do with and for the kids. They are also not realizing that at this point I am a "kept woman." Without Michael's income, I would not be living the life I am. Kept women generally have to be cordial. I worry when I get a divorce I will then turn nasty. How long can you keep anger going? I will let you know.

These posts

Every time I read one of these blogs after I have posted it I find all sorts of errors. (Case in point: it is not everytime I read one of these blogs, I am reading the posts on this blog.)
So the correct sentence : Every time I read one of these blog posts after I hit the "publish post" button, I find all sorts of errors. CRAP. How about : There are errors in every flippin' one of my blog posts that I only see after I have sent it out into the great wide world of webhood.
Sigh.
And if I read it on a different day of the week, I wonder what was in my breakfast cereal that morning.
Suffice it to say. This is a blog. Not a reporters notebook. It is a slice of life at a moment, but not the whole pie. I am by nature a storyteller. Sometimes they translate to text on here, but mostly my poor friends and family have to endure all the cagey little nuances of my speech patterns. And sometimes I try to translate them to text, and they don't read the way they came out of my brain and went through my fingers tapping on the keyboard.
Or my brain is very cryptic, has a hard time staying focused on one short story and grammatically inept. I like to think it is the 'short story' part of the venture that trips it up. If I could ramble on and on and on and on.... well then, I would have all the time I need to go down all the little side tangents involved in any one story. I won't do that to you, however.

Kitsap County WA Part 1

When I was looking for a house with property to buy outside of Seattle... I drove throughout the surrounding towns and counties circling Seattle. I was looking for a community that WAS a community. Something that the developers did not decide the lay of the land, since for some reason greed wins out over "community" unless there are guidelines for density and requirements for infrastructure. In the last 20 years that seems to have been hucked out of the window of King County.
How I ended up in Kitsap is that it still has retained alot of it's rural nature. It has clear guidelines for density in city limits and outside. It was all written down which areas were slated for development, and they were near the city limits. Rather than checker-boarded allover the county. Which does not make happy rural property owners or development owners... since the reason people buy in a development may be so they don't have to look over a manure pile or have cows mooing next door. Ditto for rural residents. They may want the privacy so they can park as many derelict and dead cars as they want in their front yard and not worry about the neighbors complaining. Or raise pigs.
Over on the Seattle side of the water, former farmland areas to the north, east and south have been and are being filled with endless rows of quickly constructed developments with granite counters, spacious entry ways, walk-in closets and less expensive materials holding it all up.
I did research on rural density designations and development for all the counties I looked at. (and school data, crime data and community demographics) In Kitsap, we attended a meeting on zoning changes. The thing that struck me was the people in charge seem to be fresh outta school. I am all for school, but I think it takes a bit of life wisdom to take what you have learned in school all starry-eyed and dew-cheeked and roll it through the machine of real life, so it can get a semblance of what gritty reality is. Take your theories, actually live and work in the community, listen to the residents and business owners, imagine your county's role in a larger world....and then put something down on paper.
There is a bunch of development issues I have been watching with a keen eye. And it reminds me of the difficulty of the public process. More later....

Bears and kids

A long time ago I worked for the gift concessionaire at a zoo. When I saw this I both laughed my head off and was very happy for safety glass.

The subterranean bear/river otter house at the zoo where I worked was created with giant underwater glass walls...so you could see the animals when they were swimming. It was genius. It was also the one place I never wanted to be when the purported giant earthquake hit Seattle and broke that glass. Those bears are flippin' huge and put it all in perspective what a puny & defenseless species we are. Albeit with big brains, so we can design enclosures that keep us safe and separate from captured wild animals that wish to eat our head off.

Image courtesy Reddit, via http://www.theoatmeal.com/

Thursday Weather

It was a foggy day today. The mountain view is what I get to see on my way home. The clouds are hanging low over Hood Canal (toward the bottom of the pic), part of Puget Sound. I would not want to be a boater in that heavy goo. I could hear the fog horns. Nuclear subs go through those waters, too.

Ma at the Michigan Auto Show

My mom said she and friends took a field trip to the auto show. They had to jump in the air while the 3D camera took their pic. This is the lady who has two new hips. I forecast she will be playing center in basketball in no time with this jump. (Hi Ma)

Parenting - Letting Go

Rose had a sleepover before the school dance last weekend. She and her friend came bounding down the stairs...all chipper and happy. They were going to dye Rose's friends hair, could they dye Rose's too?
This has been simmering a long time. The kids "nowadays" (love saying that, makes me feel like such an old codger) change their hair color with the cycles of the moon. Rose has been asking me to color her hair. I know I have a non-neutral eye, but her hair color has always been lovely to me so I always deferred.
But I knew something like this was coming. And, after repeatedly giving her all the dire warnings, and then letting her hear it in a phone call with gal pal professional hair colorist extraordinaire, she chose to dye her hair. The goal was blond top, black underneath. And friend's hair was black top, blond underneath. I was cringing inside. But you know what? This sort of stuff has to happen. We can rant and ramble and lecture and 'model' behavior, but there are just some things that kids need to figure out on their own. It is not always the same thing... my daughter happened to have hair coloring as her venture out of the safety net this time.
I did not say no. I told her possible consequences, and that I would kill them both if they got dye on my new bathroom floor... and then let 'em go.
The color turned out orange in spots, bleach bottle blond in a circle on the top and uneven. She was a bit traumatized. But not in a bad way.
When her friend had fallen asleep under her own black-purple new hair, Rose came back downstairs. "Why weren't you a strict mom and absolutely forbid me from doing this if you knew it was going to be turn out orange and splotchy?" We talked about learning things for yourself vs. hearing something over and over again and it not making sense. We talked about choices. It is hard for me to let them figure stuff out on their own, when there are unpleasant consequences. This was a very very gentle consequence, one that was traumatic (for a dramatic teen), but not permanent nor dangerous.
The next day we got a brown hair dye. That night, they went to the dance and had a great time.

Driver's Education

We went to drivers education orientation for Rose. Last night, I had a dream she was driving a jumbo jet cross-country. With instructions on how to fly from the air traffic control tower. Coincidence? I think not.

Shamelessly stolen from another blogger

I am shamelessly forwarding this on from another blogger... www.rechelleunplugged.com
I have to also say that when I forget her blog address it is without fail that I type 'rechelleunleashed' rather than 'unplugged' because she accomplishes much unleashing on this blog. Some of her posts seem very reactionary to her environment -- probably the reason I Will Never Live in Smalltown Midwest. Rose pointed out this comedian was the wacky husband fellow from Arrested Development.

Have I told you about my frog?

For about 4 months I have had a frog in my house. It lives in the space between my bay window and bedroom door, somewhere around the floor. I hear him/her croaking. I thought it was trapped and going to have a slow death, but this many months later it still sporadically croaks. And just this morning, it had a frog-ly answer back.
Great, I am breeding frogs in my house. At least they are cute and very small. (although they sound gargantua by their croak)

This man is my doppleganger

Except I have hair, no muscles, no building skills and am female. Other than that, we are twins. At least in what we say. I found him when cruising for home improvement/building/restoration shows online. He has a show "Holmes on Homes."
The whole beginning part of the show when he is demolishing, or figuring out what he is fixing... he is complaining about the workmanship, skillset or lack there-of of the previous project workers.
"This isn't even attached to anything... They drilled right through the cable line.... here is an unsupported header.....they punched holes through here and you can already see the beginning of black mold.... this wiring is not attached to anything.... this light can is hanging by one wire....these stairs are supported by a 2" x 3"" You get the picture. Many times when I am figuring out house stuff, I have similar conversations. Mostly internally, but sometimes out loud.
Image courtesy : www.holmesmagazine.com

Budgeting a bathroom

The original bathroom for our farmhouse is 101" by 81". It was the only bathroom for 70-90 years, depending on when they built indoor plumbing and when exactly they added another bathroom upstairs (looks like 90's construction)
We changed the configuration, took out a bath and added a shower, moved the vanity and window. Tore out all the layers of linoleum both on the floor and wall. (sigh)
I was loathe to take out one of the few built-in storage units in the house, but did it since that is where the vanity now stands. Plus, found out that it was built over a heat outlet. So now we have heat in the room.
My original budget was $6000. Actuals are below:
Electrical contractor : $1300
Plumber: $1600
Flooring: $240
Toilet: $200
Tile: $45
Vanity: $60 (floor model sale - a scorchin' deal)
Fixtures :$110 + $60 (craiglist, restoration hardware and kohler)
Shower unit; $800 (craigslist, kohler)
Drywall, ceiling repair and window move : $450
Floor prep :$133
New window : $140

Craigslist saved my rump on this one. The fixtures and shower unit would have been totally out of my price range (who really pays $499 for a shower control ONLY) That total savings was $4700. The shower unit, kohler faucet, restoration hardware bath fixtures --boxes and boxes of them --(mirror, lights, towel rack, etc) were all new, unused in their original packaging. The only difficult thing was the finish. It is a brushed bronze, not really what I would have picked, but the price was right! It looks a little fancy in my bare bones house... but it is fantastic to have a bathroom downstairs again. And a toilet that can flush what a kid can produce without clogging. That right there is worth the money.

Portlandia

If you ever wanna know what it is like living in Seattle or Portland... here you go.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/205428/portlandia-i-dream-of-the-90s#s-p1-sr-i1

Gotta love it, this place can be over the top. I think my favorite part is when they go to the Portland restaurant and get the personal bio of the chicken they want to have for dinner. The "free-range on four wooded acres chicken" with attached photograph and name (Colin? something ridiculous... because lord knows we name our chickens well... Goldie for the gold colored one etc.) And then they get in their old Volvo wagon and go see where the chicken was raised to make sure it is all okay with them. Omigod. The funny part is that this is not a pie-in-the-sky scenario. It rings true for the NW. Wacky. Love it. (It should be noted we do also have normal people who shop at Safeway and just buy the damn plucked bird in the plastic bag without knowing the name...)
Image courtesy : http://www.ifc.com/portlandia/

Being Married, being divorced

When I can step back mentally from my life, I see it is a giant continuum. When I am in it day-to-day, staring the grindstone right in the nose and not able to get a wider perspective, all I see is a long to-do list. Because of my inability to prioritize (or lack of desire to) divorce is just another item to cross of that big to-do list. Unfortunately, it also has much emotional crap tied up in it which makes it a bigger item to cross off. Unlike, say, putting up the bathroom mirror, which has very little emotion connected with it, other than if I smash my thumb flat with the hammer. Then there would be emotion.
Other folks around me also give perspective. I happen to have individuals who are all in various stages of partnerdom. And that lends mental assistance to what I am doing with Michael. This marriage thing is not an easy path, and when I hear tales of new marriage, of old marriage, of no marriage, there are struggles. Take two people, raised differently, plop them in the same relationship, and it can be dicey, cranky and insanely fun. How we handle it, how we cope, is a great guide (or not) on how I can navigate through these strange waters. I am just hoping I don't have a heart attack from the crazy anxiety. Fear sucks. Especially since I don't normally operate from a fear-based existence. I try to look at it as a Big Adventure that will soon be over.
Photo: The second of three big piles that were thrown out the bathroom window during the remodel. It seemed appropriate.

Weather, work and life

Two days ago: snow, 20`.
Today : Sun and wind, 50`.
Tomorrow : ?.
At least when it is freezing my window doesn't leak --always thinkin' of the good side of things......
Have been getting calls from my ol' job and the things they are doing. It is hard and difficult to turn off the 'director' button when you no longer work someplace. So alot of times I am very quiet. Which, as anyone who knows me will tell you -- is not my usual state. I suppose it is good for me to learn to be quiet.

Husband and I are finalizing our divorce. It has been drawn out, slow, and amicable. The sticky point is the kids, as I think it should be in all divorces that have 'em involved. We are doing our best with them, since we both love them to high heaven. I am very thankful husband puts them first, also. This divorce thing is a very eye-opening experience. Brings out all your core operating systems as a being. As in what makes you operate and hold yourself together in times of tough. I am fairly sure I will survive this whole thing, but it seems very appealing at times to bury my head in a hole in the ground like an ostrich. But I slog on.
On a house note: I took my first shower today. Probably the first shower that has occured in this house in 25 years. Not including water leaks that shower water into the basement....

The bathroom ceiling

What is this you ask? Our bathroom ceiling, in one corner. Originally, we were not going to take out all the drywall, just what the plumber and electrician needed access to. Once Javier came on board the project, however, he said it would be near impossible to match the new drywall to the old and make it look good. Plus, who knew what was hiding behind that drywall? We found one live electrical wire, nestled tightly in a tiny channel carved from the drywall, and going nowhere, with no cap on the end, and covered by the (1970's) metal medicine cabinet... and this. Ya know what this is? It is where they put a vent through the roof and DID NOT SEAL it in any way, shape or form. This is the absolute rot that occurred over what must have been many seasons. And that rot extended to two main cross beams. Javier told me the white stuff was a root system from when our roof was cedar. As in, the roof was so far gone in this area, there were plants/trees extending their roots from the bathroom ceiling. I am sure said previous owner was shocked to note this condition, and so.... what did they do??? To make it all better, they fixed the unsealed roof leak, probably cut down their way trendy roof garden, and slapped a coat of paint over all this rot. I will have to remember that fix. Have rot anywhere? Smooth it out with some goo, and paint it.

As usual, we fixed it. This was a very tight area, so we ended up sistering a ceiling support and tearing out all the rot. We were also able to see and laugh heartily at the octopus system that is the upstairs bathroom drain plumbing. Who knew houses were soooo funny. I really am having fun, regardless of my tone in this post. The plumber comes back to finish Wednesday. Yay!