Some eating projects...

Rat cookies, calamari and one delectable strawberry thingie, these are some of the goodies my kids have been eating. Okay, the calamari freaked them out a bit. The last pic is me and Rose... me with my new haircut that chopped between 6-12"" off my hair. Tomorrow: some updates on home projects. (I finally found my camera again!)

The crazy thing I have been doing

I drive a minivan. A white, bland, reliable workhorse of a car that can carry bales of hay, bathroom vanities, saddles, kids, dogs and one day a cat that sneaked in. I bought it with 13k miles on it and was hoping to see it through to 200,000. I am at 147K and it is making a funny noises, which I already paid $1400 to the repair shop to fix. And it's going through oil a bit faster than it should.
So somehow I got to looking at used cars for sale online. I don't want to spend alot of money on this so am looking at older vehicles. Us Northwesterns have a penchant for the Subaru/Honda/Toyotas... so consequently they are hard to find a good deal on. Here is where you come in. I need your help. These cars are all the same price(or I can get them down to the same price)... which would you get?


2005 Honda Accord, 100K miles, one owner all the maintenance records.


1999 Mercedes, 40K miles, one owner. Literally owned by a little old lady, she and her sister drove around with me. Lila can't drive it anymore, she has the beginning of dementia. Super sweet ladies, the cleanest car ever, but Mercedes are $$$ to repair if things go wrong.


2002 Buick LeSabre, 50K, one owner. Cushy. Reliable.
Something I notice a bit hinky is all the cars are silver. Hmmmm. One thing I should add is a friend said I would have to dye my hair blond and get a bob cut if I bought the mercedes... she thinks I would be snobby. I told her... HAVE YOU SEEN MY CARS? I think to live with me the mercedes would be "well-loved" and have the fresh scent of dirt and dog. Just driving on my property puts mud in the car, so we can't put on too many airs. Hey just because it is a mercedes, doesn't mean it won't be hauling hay! I like the Buick because it is nondescript and reliable.
And yes, I am still working on Wilder's room and the upstairs bathroom....

An Unorganized Mind

This may be one of those things I try to blame on the stroke, but truly, I have always been this way. I have things to do. They swirl around in my mind in no particular order of importance... picking up storage shelving and toilet paper is right next to come up with a study plan for Wilder for French and visit colleges with Rose and replace my leaking house window and trimming my fingernails. When I was younger I think I loaded up with coffee and rapidly spooled through the list and got things done. I cannot operate like that anymore. Is it a blessing or a curse that all my friends have a organization gene I am missing? I have started making some beautiful lists. It is the only way I can operate. I think my house is a great assistance to healing. As in, "I can't keel over dead from a stroke, I still haven't attached the front door spring and no one knows where it is" or "the locks for the horse trailer stalls are downstairs in the paint bucket, no one would find that". Ah yes, the little details that keep me going. I am queuing up finishing the upstairs bathroom and Wilder's room... that is definitely keeping me lively. I still negotiate daily with fear (an uncommon feeling for me) anxiety (the uncontrollable consequence of facing mortality) and resigning myself to a life with drugs (statins, blood pressure, aspirin) I am not a person that is fond of pharmaceutical solutions. But I guess if it helps keep me clot-free, I will resign myself and participate.
OH, and if any of you need a soaking tub, I am giving it away for free on Craigslist!

Updating the to-do list 2011

I dug out my old to-do list, which "dug out" is relative considering it is located on my computer in Microsoft One-note. Looking it over I am always surprised about what I get done. See, I think us old house owners don't remember all the stuff we DO do, since there are always new projects in front of us clamoring for attention. Like my house siding is all of a sudden looking very sad. Like literally it is popping and cracking where just three months ago it was fine.
So on the 2012 to-do list it goes.
This is a moment to recognize that which has been accomplished.
1. Rebuilt complete horse fencing. Hired labor for post digging and fence pulling.
2. Finished downstairs bathroom. Hired, fired, hired labor for plumbing and electrical. (I really need to put pics up of the bathroom, it took me two years)
3. Built raised garden beds. My regular garden is too far away (the end of my property) so I built beds from composite wood next to my kitchen.
4. Painted one side of the barn. I paint one side a year, don't ask.
5 Demossed roof. Hired men who dressed in mountain climbing apparatus and scaled my steep roof to get the goo off.
6. Completed a major trim of wayward bushes. Laurel, snowball bush, quince, apple trees, they were all getting crazy and out of control. Hired someone to trim the 100 year old trees, I did the bushes standing in the bed of my truck (for height) with electric trimmers.
7. Planted several gardens - flower, vegetable and bee.
8. Dreamed about building a porch.
9. Dreamed about finishing the loft and one car area of my three car garage.
10. Bought the kids dad a car, his money my skills. (I love negotiating for cars , so friends and family have me buy their cars.)
11. Cleaned horse trailer. Alot harder than it sounds.
12. Bought pressure cooker. Canned jam. Processed 20 pounds of tomatoes.
13. Pulled carpet out of Wilder's soon to be room and painted floor.
14. Painted various rooms.
15. Repaired barn from bully horses and laid yards and yards of gravel on my road and in outside the horse barn to hinder the mud.
16. Since moving in three years ago I have replaced the stove, furnace, kitchen sink, one bathroom and in process on the second, fencing, some windows, and tore out all the wall to wall carpeting.

The Wonders of Craigslist - House History Found

Pictures: Top, the Blue Shoe Farm's property at the turn of the 20th century. Mid: Bernice thought this was my home... I am not so sure. Bottom: Property today. The drippy tree is an old old birch.

The last couple weeks I have been craigslisting my extra apples. Hundreds of apples from two hundred year old trees. I had Guy and his 80+ mom Bernice come over for some apples, told me what kind they were (Kings and Transparents) and Bernice asked if I lived in the Paulson house. I affirmed I did, and she said she has lived in the brothers 1903 house since 1930 and that our two properties were (originally) next to each other. Now there is a gravel pit, highway, housing development and industrial area between us. My property stayed fairly intact due to another family buying it and running a dairy, until large scale farming left our county in the 1980's. The dairy had a hard time when zoning changes came in, and when they sold a developer bought it and chopped up the land. I love these random unexpected stories about my house! Another craigslist genius moment.

Having a Stroke Part 2 - To the hospital

A teenager with standard issue smalltown eye makeup, a mom with no makeup and a 11-year old with a big smile!
At this point none of us are calling this a stroke. We are driving down the road, and Wilder starts calling people. Some of these memories are loosely running around in my head and I don't have the tightest grip on them. Like where did he get the wherewithall to call friends and family? Once he dialed my friend Lisa, and she determined he was not kidding she told him to hang up and dial 9-1-1. 9-1-1 had Rose pull the car over to the side of the freeway while the operator kept Wilder talking. I was awake and alert enough to worry when the aid car and firetruck pulled up... the firetruck blocking the right lane of traffic around a bend in the freeway... that it was not parked in the safest spot. We left the car, and the kids and I got in the aid car. I don't know if it was good or bad but my kids being there kept me from being drawn into the quiet of my brain. There was something powerful wanting me to tune out --no anxiety, no fear. But strongly present was what my kids were seeing, and feeling, and their fear. That is why I stayed present, to allay their concern, to show that mom was okay. On to the hospital emergency where they laid me out, asked me my name, birthday, where I was. The stroke symptoms were coming and going, I lost left side function five or six times that morning. Various medical personnel threw out opinions why I was having them from the aid car personnel to nurses, and all suggested stroke like symptoms due to.... ready? Oh yes my favorite : perimenopause. I was taken downstairs for an MRI. I remember it was a sad room in need of paint, and a portly man sat in a windowless room watching. I had to take off my jewelry, and it took FOREVER to get off earrings and a pendant. My hand was not able to negotiate the clasp or earring backs, it was present and working, but would not navigate the job. I only knew this because I could not take them off, my brain was under the impression that my hand was doing just fine. This is one of the strangest cognitive changes... my mind thinks everything is operating as it should when it is not. Also, why the hell didn't I have help? The orderly who rolled me down to MRI was gone.
Into the machine, which was a trip in my current state. I actually thought the different noises were a type of music so it would not be boring for the patient. When I had another MRI a week later I realized the loud blasts of sound were definitely not music. Just shows that the brain has an amazing ability to compensate, cope and justify. The MRI was done, I was wheeled back upstairs and Lisa and her kids had arrived from Seattle. Our sons are the same age so they went off to get food. The kids dad arrived soon after from a different ferry. My mom was notified in Michigan, and she got the nurse on the phone to make sure they knew that I "drank alot of coffee." We got several days of humor out of that one, thanks Ma! A doctor came in the room and had me spell world backwards. This was a favorite game of Rose and mine when she was in elementary school - "backwards spelling bee." Infinity, Mississippi, Precocious, pick any big word and spell it backwards. He said world, and I thought SIMPLE! But I could not do it. I couldn't see the word in my head. I couldn't see the letters. I couldn't group the sounds. I also had sporadic bouts of not talking. And zoning out, not really sleeping, but off in la la land. Every hour they came in and did neurological tests, and every time they asked me to spell world backwards. I think by this time Rose and Wilder had been through my whole contact list and notified everyone. My blood pressure was elevated due to the stroke so they gave me something to lower it, then I was wheeled upstairs into a shared room. The same doctor that intimated that I could just be having some hormonal issues then came in and said very seriously... "well, you have had a stroke." And they would keep me for 24 hours and watch me since "any damage will occur during the next 24 hours" he then asked if I had any questions and left. My memory is not highly accurate from this era of strokehood, but I do remember being dumbfounded. And that he could't answer any questions that we posed. Rose's best friend and mother came by. The staff took me for a scan of my arteries and heart. Rose recognized a staffperson who worked in the hospital as being "the wasted funny woman at the 4th of July!" -- that is small town living for you! She said she was sorry to see me under these circumstances. To digress as I always do, that 4th of July was a great education for Rose on being drunk. Since everyone there but us was plowed and exhibiting all the classic types of drunk : from the I love you, man, to sad, to dangerous (carrying a open fire pit with a blazing fire on the back of a truck) to crazy, beligerant, and foul mouthed. It was nothing I could have taught her by telling her the intricacies of alcohol, she got to see it in all its stupid glory.
Anyway, back to stroke. Basically they were admitting me to the hospital for observation and stabilization. After a few hours everyone went home, that is when it got rough. What kept me together was a nurse named Sarah. Or I think her name was Sarah. My friend Lisa had drawn a picture of me on a horse on a whiteboard behind my bed. When Sarah was in folding my discarded clothes she commented on my pants and said she had a pair and loved them. I said they were great for riding because my childbirth pooch doesn't hang over the top, they are high enough. She laughed and agreed, turns out she had a horse too. I don't remember what we talked about regarding the stroke, but I remember her hug was deep and warm, and it felt like everything might be okay. I told her I felt like a sitting duck just waiting for brain damage to occur as the doctor said, and the fear I had for my children. Somehow she calmed me and listened. She also normalized things by bringing in her phone with pics of her horse and told me how she got it. Again, that the world did not just end, there are still stories being made, horses being ridden. It is wonderful to be pulled out of my own space into the bigger world. The nurse the next day told me Sarah used to be a bartender, so has finely honed listening skills. It was perfect for me, and the only manageable moment I remember from the hospital. That and my friend Evelyn's visit the next day, where she advocated for me and told me stories. My night nurse was brought over from another department, and not the brightest bulb. It is sad that me having had a stroke noticed the diminished mental capacities of someone taking care of me. Like when I told her in the wee hours of the morning that my blood pressure was too low... she didn't know that. But I survived the hospital and its parade of hush voiced PT's, OT's, and doctors.

Having A Stroke - Part 1

I get asked alot about my stroke -- if I knew I was having a stroke, what it was like, how it happened. Looking back on it I see now that there were episodes leading up to it that were red flags. Slightly elevated blood pressure for about three years. Pounding heart and uneven beats for about two years. Four visual migraines the week before. The visual migraines - losing sight with no pain- started after the birth of our son around age 35, and I only have one every two to three years.
The migraines and extreme sudden dizziness that happened two days before were the big flags, but with most things got brushed off. Called my doctor. Heart palpitations? The medicine I was on for my blood pressure. The migraines? Menopause or allergies. In fact, many symptoms were explained away by perimenopause.
After the first dizzy spell on a Monday, where the world suddenly reeled, spun and then stopped, I knew something was different. It felt like being on sudafed... kinda like there is a big fuzz over my brain. That evening, I had a dinner to attend, and I remember it was all I could do to pay attention to what was being said. I was very tired, and things became "simple". I had that feeling many times pre and post stroke, the world becomes compartmentalized, and simpler. I realize now after reading about it that is because the brain has to pay attention to everything -- the part of cognition that is automatic and running in the background, i.e. The tv is on, someone is doing the dishes, the telephone rings, the dog is hovering 'cause she's hungry, someone is talking to you.... is altered. Whereas before all those things could be occurring at the same time and you isolate the conversation, my brain couldn't isolate anymore, and all of life's happenings came in at the same importance level. It was simple, because basically I could only focus on one thing at a time.
On Wednesday morning, I woke up and had my regular cup of coffee. After about five minutes it did not taste good anymore so I set it aside. I felt dizzy in the bathroom so went outside to feed the chickens and horses and it lightened and went away. Wilder had a doctor's appointment and so we were getting ready to go. I walked to the front door, knowing something was not right, but forged on. Wilder came outside with me to get in the car and asked if I was alright. I had been speaking to him with a slur, and was having left side failure. My brain was sending the words out correctly, but my mouth could not navigate creation of the sounds. I have not forgotten the look of fear on my son's face when he looked at me and said something's wrong. That's when I told him to get his sister to drive me to the hospital. She ran downstairs in her pajamas. (She didn't change out of them until the evening when her dad took her home) I decided I should go to the bathroom first. That is when I had major left side failure. I started standing up from the toilet and sliding to the left toward the wall and floor. I remember thinking that something was not working right and being somewhat surprised... like What?! Oh no you didn't... you are getting your butt up. I still remember the will it took to get my body upright -- my leg shaking and my brain solely focused on being upright -- but I was not going to traumatize the kids further. And really, what would be more traumatic than a mumbly mom on the floor of the bathroom with her pants down? The stroke at this point was coming and going, I was having intermittent left side failure. This is also possibly due to an embolic ischemic stroke, a clot that comes from the heart, and then dissipates into many little clots. Reminds me of the Angry Birds bird that starts out as a single, but breaks into several smaller bombs. (This stroke cause is a possibility, not a definite. They still don't know why I had a stroke, but are narrowing the options.) Next up: To the hospital.
Pictures: Prestroke. Put me in front of a camera and I cannot be straight. The one of me maniacally laughing was actually supposed to be my author bio photo. It was not chosen since I look insane.

Heaven in a House Organizer

Being that I have lately been occupied otherwise, I am ashamed to say housecleaning has not been high on my priority list. Bills, paperwork, kid school papers, books, clean laundry and dustbunnies seem to be breeding and laying themselves about the house. So I found Victoria. Blessed, blessed Victoria. Through Craigslist, there was a listing for housecleaner and professional organizer. What?? Those sounded like mad skills that I needed to borrow so I gave her a call. A petite, energetic, professional woman came to talk with me about what I needed done and leave me references. I hired her the next day. OMIGOD my house is lovely. She blazed through My Whole House upstairs and down in three days. Cupboards, kid rooms, kitchen I swear it has not looked like this since we moved in. We are tackling my basement and garage next. NEVER have I been this excited to clean. Rose said Victoria should start a religion and be a god so people could openly worship her.... I said if she were a man I would fall in love. And I adore my house again. Which I already did, but I love it MORE.
Stroke news, PT and OT are a blast. Some first diagnosis are my brain has lost the ability to allow communication between my left hip and torso making me walk uneven, and "one of the many doors" of language processing has died. I have very high function things gone, so it is not obvious I had a stroke. Like that lame-o sentence "high function things" I can't think what PT Megan called it but hopefully you get the gist. Example: I can call out car colors when they drive by... but if Megan and I are on a trampoline, and she is jumping, and I am also playing a Bop-It then I try to call out the colors of cars... HA! Gone, empty, a void. My brain can't do it with all the other things. Being a lover of information, I find all this fascinating. I am sure it is also "fun" because everyone says I will make a full recovery. My minor deficiencies are so exhausting to work on, and my brain actually tells me it doesn't have to do it when it gets too hard (I ignore it and push on.) When it gets hard is when my brain is relearning and making new paths. I cannot fathom the great strength it takes if one has major debilitation. I shall send them a prayer, since I received many from people I have not met.

Some Notes about Having A Stroke

When I turned on the radio for the first time since I had the stroke and heard the piano themed music for Garrison Keillor's Writers Almanac, I teared up. Not that I love poetry, or Keillor. But that the world is still running along as usual and even though I feel like my world flipped 180 degrees .....it really didn't. The world is rolling along at the same pace, it is my perception of it that has become so keen.

If you have a stroke, DO NOT go on the internet. Reading that your chance of having another have just exponentially increased, that debilitating disability is very common, that you are more prone to neurological disorders and dementia, on and on can scare the shit out of you.

When they let me out of the hospital with no information and a few illustrated stroke pamphlets that looked like they were designed in the 1970's that weren't really targeted to my age bracket... I was a basketcase. The hospital had no specific information so I felt like there was a big clot just ready to make a move and paralyze me permanentally. Later someone who knew strokes told me the clot that caused the stroke is long gone, broken down by my body. That would have been helpful to hear right off the bat.
I am much better now. Every day is improvement, I lost 17 pounds (it is not that noticeable when one is 6' tall) tons of farm muscle (weakling!) that will come back as I start doing things. I am going to Physical Therapy tomorrow, should be interesting. It seems I am walking different, we shall see if it is true.
Keep your friends around you that make you laugh. When you stroke out, you have limited energy for experience -hearing, seeing, moving -- and things become very simple. People turn into energy... as in they either leave you with what little energy you have or they drain it. In the normal world, they would weave in and out of my life and I didn't notice, but right after the stroke I had limited reserves. I would literally close my eyes to stop the information coming in.
The issue of mortality comes right to the front. As in, wow, that could have so gone another way... paralysis, brain fog, loss of vision or the ability to speak. My body which has carried me along just fine, with strength, grace, and alot of coffee... all of a sudden became an unreliable vessel for carrying my life. But being that I cannot just go out and get another newer model, I have had to mentally adjust to "this body can fail" dramatically even though I have dependent children, hungry horses and an old farmhouse. It does not matter what I am, or who I am, or what I do... it is not my decision.
The hardest thing is my children. Wilder asked his father this weekend if he thought I was having a stroke while they were not with me. I know it is always on his mind as he searches my face for signs of "stroke drop." When I get tired and the stroke effects become more apparent, he will get very worried and ask me to rest. He is 12. His sister Rose is 16 and can hide her worry and fears with teenage nonchalance, but it is there in her tears. And, I can't just say everything will be fine, I will never leave you (as a child.) That sucks the big puppy. If it was only sheer force of will that could keep me alive, I would win. But, it seems, there is a certain amount of random unpredictability within our lives.

Look what the cat dragged in....

Bella the cat brought in another gift to us... a baby bunny IN MY ROOM. At least this one is unharmed and as soon as I get the cat in the house I can return it from whence it came. At least its better than the pregnant mouse that spontaneously aborted IN MY ROOM or the bird that I had to wrestle from her IN MY ROOM.
And now she won't come inside because I yelled at her. In her world, she is bringing me quite a trophy, and I should commend her lavishly.
I tolerate the rat parts she scene-ically lays out on the front porch and gently thank her, I even managed to squeeze out a "good cat" when she left me a rat face looking up at me one morning not wanting to discourage her rodent hunting. But bunnies make me do the girl thing "aaaaawwwwwwwwww, sooo cuuuute" in a high girlie voice. I can't help it.
My cat is immune to cuteness. I just yell loud and flail my arms when I don't agree with her choice of prey, and I also know that I am not even remotely speaking her language and she could give a rip.
Photo: I only took one of the rabbit with a flash since it was terrified. Hence the cut-off pic.

A Normal Weekend

A gal pal and her three boys took Wilder and I up to Graysmarsh Farms in Sequim for some berry picking.
Raspberries, seedless blackberries, blueberries and about 4 loganberries were what we picked. I made jam yesterday, with pies today. Yay! I also picked up a pressure cooker yesterday in Port Townsend. A Mirro 8 quart... which was a hard decision between Mirro, Kuhn Ricon, Fagor, Presto, All American, but dang the Mirro is easy to use. And if you have a glass topped stove Mirro says it won't work. But my stove has a burner made specifically for it, so you can use a glass top regardless of what they put in their guide.
Oh and if you are a serious pressure cooker person (and have money) the All-American and Kuhn Ricon are flippin' fantastic.($200-400) But, for me, for once a year canning, at sea level (literally 100 feet above...) a Mirro with weighted pressure gauge is dandy. ($70 on sale!) And a note about the boys.... no complaining, they just are hungry alot.

Camera!

I haven't found my camera that I loved for many years, it could not take a bad picture. So I went looking for a new one. The first was a Nikon Coolpix 3100. It had some cool features like five different color modes (sepia, B&W, hi color, regular, blue) and a great video feature in HD, but it didn't always figure out lighting correctly and would wash out images. I got it at Target, and they said no problem returning it if I didn't like it, so I did just that. My old camera spoiled me.
I then bought a Canon Elph 3500IS. I love it! Other than it is small and I will probably drop it several times, or that the touch screen will reluctantly drag my rear-end into the modern age (I still have my constuction grade old school flip cell phone from three years ago) the pics are (maybe) as good as my old monster digital camera. Now I can start working on my house again, since I am able to take pics. (Ha, like that was what was stopping me-)

Clam Cannery in Port Townsend

The Clam Cannery Waterfront Hotel & Spa by turnherelocal">
My aunt and uncle came out last week from Michigan to check on me. They thought I needed to get away... so took me to Port Townsend. We stayed at the recently restored Clam Cannery Inn. It was lovely being right over the water in a fully stocked suite. It was also a test to see how long I could be upright and alert.... which a week ago was about 2 hours. Yesterday I was up for nine hours. Every day is an improvement, some things are repairing rapidly, like my typing speed and ability to stay awake and there are also slow repairs -- like the ability to touch my nose with my eyes closed (I am about an inch off with my wayward left hand). Yeah, I know, how often do you have to do that in a regular day?? But it reminds me that there are still some mysteries as to how my brain is damaged.
I was joking with my daughter Rose yesterday that I can blame SO MANY THINGS on the stroke where as before I had no excuse. Ditsy moment? Stroke. Potty mouth? Stroke. Drive too fast? Stroke. Floors not swept? Stroke. I get alot of humor mileage out of this which is good, because technically the whole thing does not fall in the realm of the comedic.
Also a quick note to friends. And my ma. I am a only child. That makes me somewhat (very) independent with an "I can do it myself" attitude. The first couple weeks I could not "do it myself" and people came out the woodwork to visit, offer help, make me laugh, feed the horses, take care of the chickens. My horseshoer came over and caught the horses and did their hooves. My neighbor got my mail and took the garbage out. The kids dad took off work which he does not do and continuously keeps things going. My mom kept the kitchen stocked, and everyone fed and driven where they needed to go. A friend brought food from her garden and wood for my firepit. Another took Wilder a couple days to be with her sons to take his mind off of me and let him be a kid again. But most of all everyone just continually checked in and gave me hugs, put me on prayer lists, and acted like it was all going to be okay and normal. And that was the best. Pics: I added a link to the Clam Cannery if you are interested, a photo of our room, & Ischemic Attack (stroke) victim (me) yesterday in Edmonds. Lookin' at me, you wouldn't know I had a stroke, other than when I get tired my left side gets a little droopy.

My Big Box Temp Job

I wrote this post a while back about my temp job. I am not sure I am going back to it, at this point I have gotten picky what I spend my time doing. Plus, I am still waiting for my stamina to come back!
The beginning of July when we were on the ferry going to Seattle I got a call from an unknown phone number. I answered it -- turns out it was a pre-screening call for an interview at a big-box store that I shop at All The Time. A couple months ago they had a sign in the window they were hiring, and temporary work at this time is very appealing, so I went online and applied.
I answered their textbook questions : " Tell me about your cash handling experience" "Tell me about a time you gave excellent customer service" and got a call to come in for an interview with the store operations manager. When I passed muster I was set up to meet the store manager to sign off on hiring me. Then there was a background and DRUG test. If you have never had a drug test... it is a strange thing. You cannot wash your hands. You cannot flush the toilet. You cannot bring anything in the room with you like a purse. When you do get to wash your hands, you are watched.
All for a temp job, at a third of my previous payrate. After almost 15 hours of online training, including warnings verbally and in video about unions (this store chain does not have a union) I was on the salesfloor this past weekend. Result?
1. I love working.
2. I am not a very good turn-off-the-brain follow policies to the end of the earth type person.
3. It is an eye-opener kind of job. Positions like this are how people can be working more than fulltime and still need assistance like food stamps... this is not a liveable wage. If they are a family this income would meet the poverty threshold. Plus, how could they hire quality childcare if the going rate is 2/3 their monthly income?
I tried not to sound snarky when a gal my age came up next to me and asked if I had worked anywhere before this. I don't tell my coworkers what I do, I just say I have lots-o-cashiering experience. Working in a store with 150 other employees, there are funky little power and favoritism issues that I already notice one week in. BUT I love working in this store... I will get to learn about all sorts of things I am clueless about, and we all know how much I love learning new stuff!

Blame it on the left hand

Things I think are funny:
1. Today I tossed a cup of miso soup in my hair and down the back of my neck. Why? Because I was carrying it in my left hand. I was feeding the horses and carrying a cup of miso... and had to go under the clothes line. (Always the multi-tasker) The flake of hay was in my right hand, so I used my left which had the cup in it to lift the line. The part that my sneaky strokebrain contributed was that between me picking up the cup, and me lifting the clothesline I became unaware that I had a cup in my hand. I believe this little trick of stroke-hood in medical terms is called neglect. I call it crazy.
2. Another example. As I have done for years, and I am pretty sure everyone else does, I use both hands when doing things. The difference is my left hand is only reliable until it forgets its supposed to be doing something. I put a glass in my left hand and filled it with water. As I put the water container down, my left hand let the glass drop, breaking it unceremoniously on my stove and floor. When this happens it is always a shock, like, how on earth did that happen??
3. Wilder and I were in the grocery, and he got a piece of pizza. He went off to wash his hands in the restroom as I held his pizza for him. Next thing I knew it went splat on the floor facedown. Left hand. He came back right as I was following the "two second rule" and asked incredulously if I just dropped his pizza. As I was dobbing the top with a napkin I said look at how clean I am getting this!

I decided I am going to try to keep an eye on that hand. Like literally watch it when I give it a task to see if that will keep my brain in the loop. The good thing is that the frustration of body parts not doing what they are supposed to is also turned off... so it doesn't bother me. (Other than hot miso in my hair and cleaning up broken things... ) It is not like I am trying to hold the cup and fail, it is that after a few seconds every memory of that hand is gone. If strokes weren't so damn terrifying this might be fun.

Always the house

Three days after my stroke my handyman Javier came over. (With his cousin, Javier). I heard the kids dad talking in low tones to him, probably about me being sick, and sending him home to Seattle....when I moved out of the prone position and told him to come on in! I wasn't going to pass up work hours for a stroke!
That day they finished trimwork in the living room and bathroom, and wainscoting in the other bathroom. I am sure they did other stuff, but I forget.
That same weekend a predator broke into the chicken coop and killed two birds. It is always the nice friendly fat birds they get. I have not lost a buff orpington to natural causes yet.
In the chicken coop, amiable and gentle gets the short end of the stick.

Weather Analogies

So far there is no reason they have discovered for the stroke. I have had two of every test, a light put down my throat to look at my heart, my arteries scrutinized for signs of plaque and blockage, MRI's and heart monitors. I have a clean bill of health. A good heart and arteries. My neurologist called my stroke "a lightening strike" my GP called it a "perfect storm".
My recovery is interesting. Every day is better, but there are still times when brain strength reaches sensory overload and just shuts down. As in, I need closed-eye time, not to sleep, just to reset. A sleep specialist said it best when describing my uneven nighttime sleep : since the brain had a major trauma, at night it repairs. And that is not a restful process.
At least I can type again, although slow. It was funny to see my typing right after the stroke... my left hand was waaaay slower than my right and so it would come out as typed gobbledeegook but my brain did not register that my hand was not behaving accordingly. Same with balance... I was stepping over a fence and caught my left foot which my brain did not recognize as caught. I know I have a left side, I can see it and feel it. I am just not aware of the space it occupies.

Stroke Update

Hello, I'm Andrea's daughter and I am just updating on her condition. She had a stroke that took place in the right side of her brain resulting in weakness in the left side of her body. She is getting a lot of tests done to see what the cause of the stroke was. She is getting better, but the recovery proccess is gradual. If you didn't know her, you might not notice anything wrong with her. She cant quite type right because her left side can't keep up with the right and that causes difficulties.

Left turn.

This is a little out of the ordinary. On Wednesday I had a stroke. It is Friday, and I am home, but I am not sure how frequently I will post for the next couple weeks. I will however, be reading all of your blogs to keep me entertained!

I can't blog without my camera.

Image: The birthday boy during his nerf war party, in May.
I cannot find my camera. That means I don't blog. I can't show you pics of my half-torn out bathroom nor my new tile nor the new chicks being batty nor the cauliflower, rabe, basil growing (since we are finally having 3 days of sunshine and above 70 weather). I think I "put it away" when cleaning. Not really sure where that "put away" spot would be. I hear short term memory is the first thing to go.