Undoing the ties that bind - leaving a long relationship

This title is a little misleading  I left my long term relationship physically 6 years ago but have never succinctly wrapped it up like a little burrito to carry around as just another life tale.  Well, here I go. 
I was with Michael 9 years before I married him.  In those 9 years I was in college and he worked full-time.  I went out with friends and danced.  Oh, how I danced.   Michael did not go, since he was too tired from working too many hours. We were very independent during this time, different lives but wound together..in love. We slid into marriage because I was ready to have kids. I was going to leave him over it, and he proposed.  We had 'em, raised 'em, and there was a huge lapse in relational judgment on his part.  And a huge "If I don't see it - it is not happening" on my part. We worked long hours keeping busy. There was therapy. There was a big national parks summer trip when the kids were 5 and 9 that drove it home I cannot participate in the marriage anymore.  Four weeks on the road with them, and he joined us for a week.  Something about stepping out of my too-busy life made me realize it would never get better - I might never heal and forgive, and he did not have it in himself to change.  I needed that month with the kids to see just what was happening, and what would never happen.  He is a nice guy in a generic sort of way, with our generation man problems, just too toxic for me. I was not whole when I was with him.  So I separated from Michael, took the equity out of our Seattle house and bought this 1904 farmhouse.  None of this was easy, or a light decision.  Our kids were young.  It was enormously stressful.   We were gearing up for the divorce.  I found the lawyer. I was pulling together money stuff.  I was raising the kids. Then finished that damn book for work.  It was all amicable, then bam, stroke.  Two months later and I would have not had the caliber of doctors I accessed because I would not had his insurance.   I have calmed down so much since then.    I am still separated now, I need that insurance, and he is fine because I raise our kids. He has never lived in my house, and never will.  But he will always be the kids dad.  And they are my priority, and thankfully his. We are not a traditional break up.  There is a lot of history there that we have not colored with hatred.  I don't have it in me, I am not that kind of person.  I remember the history, and at one point we were happy.  How people disengage is complex and convoluted and even though his behavior was the impetus, I was involved and present.
Michael has been dating since we separated. I had issues with that not because I wanted him back but because I wanted him to help me teach our kids what a relationship is. He can't do that, I know. It has only taken me almost 30  years to figure that one out (and I think I am so smart) ha.   I was stubborn and would not date until I had that divorce.  Well, forget that.  After 6 years of being separated, I am letting go of that moral view.  Life is short.  My kids will navigate their lives.  Everything, and nothing,  we do guides them.  I think they will be okay.  They are seeing their mom happy in a different way than they have ever experienced, and it is opening them up. Rose creates conversations she never would have previously with me. Wilder is navigating the approach to becoming a man. I wish I would have known this years ago, I shouldered an enormous load that in many ways was unnecessary.  Well, I guess it was necessary because I did not see any other way.  Now I do!  

Wilder has this as his bookmark for school -- he loves dancing.

And there is always my half-painted house.  (I wonder if I could ever be happy in a house that did not need something done to it??) Waiting for spring and drier weather to turn the whole house RED!

April 2013 to-do list

It has been a while since I did one of these.  It is long overdue.  I will try  to keep swearing to a minimum.
1. Finish building a garden gate so bunnies and deer don't free range my raised gardens.
2. Put down bark-rock-something around the raised beds.  So it is not just luscious weeds softening my footfall.
3. De-moss my barn roof.
4. Move the manure pile into a line next to the driveway for the sunflower wall.
5. Finish FINISH the upstairs bathroom. Arghh.  Put the plumbing in for the tub. Cover the plywood ceiling. Oh, this one makes me nuts.  I will so enjoy a bath.....someday.
6. Refinish wood trim on kitchen counters.
7. Build bookshelves. Now that I have my house supports done, I can put all my books in one area of the house. Yay!! Related: Decide where bookshelves should go.
8. Clean out garage. (Three car, I can't even tell you what is in there.)
9. Organize tools.  It is getting embarrassing.
10. Get horses in shape.
11. Pull down stunning acoustic tile in living room. I don't know how I will live without its beauty in my life... but I am willing to try.
12. Strap bathroom vanity to wall. (It has only been a year, after all)
13. Paint the flippin' farmhouse - inside and out.
14. Plan garden.
15. Find seeds that got moved to some unknown unspecified location, so that item 14 can be accomplished.
16. Make one more raised bed.
17. Plan margerita party, graduation party, birthday parties. Not all the same day.
18. Repair garage gutters.
19.  Pull out all horse tack and clean and repair as needed.  Get rid of saddles I don't use.
20. Have the horses teeth floated.
21. Buy shocks for the truck. Try to do it for less than the $1200 quoted.
22. Send my eldest off to college. 
23. Finish my medical tests and slide back into my career. 
24. Give my kids lots of hugs.  Whether their squirmy teenager-dom is comfortable with it or not. 

A normal day in the life of a feisty woman.

Recently I worked an auction for a friend. As I was moving 'won' items around tables it dawned on me.  10 pm at night.  Mind racing with organizing, multi-tasking, being my "normal" energetic self.  No brain issues. No exhaustion, fog, loss of clarity, loss of words, dizziness.  I literally- amid the craziness of a big auction- leaned on the table with both hands, closed my eyes and thanked god.  I am so happy to be here.

I have seen what is coming and realize I  have the opportunity to change some shit.   Straight talk within my own head and those I am with.  Engage in life fully.  Make sure my friends know I love and appreciate them.  Ditto with family.  Slow down. Don't be too busy for the little stuff, that is the only stuff that matters. I have said this before, but when I was in the hospital waiting for the stroke to do whatever damage it was going to... I guarantee I was not thinking of my stellar work accomplishments or how green my lawn was. It was 100% pure people I love and what I may miss.  So now, when my son is telling me about an in-depth lego thing that is enormously detailed and enormously boring, I just listen and watch him and his excitement. When my daughter and I get the guffaws over something, and we are laughing our heads off, and she gets that spark in her eye or tilts her head a certain way to say something clever... I notice.   Because, to me, that is all that really counts.  I am having a lot of fun these days!

Rose and I watching surfers....don't we look like we are enjoying it?  I was noticing skill - Rose was taking note of other things.  

Pithy kauai observations

1.Comment by Rose on the day of our arrival as we drove down slow two-laned roads:
It is like a tropical Poulsbo! (Which is our town-we cracked up because Kauai is nothing like Poulsbo.)
2. Comment as we drove down the Kuhio highway.
There is a lot of really nice driveways here! (The houses are all set back from the road, and there were some lovely drives leading to them,)
3. Comment by my astounded teenage girl watching buff, tan and toned young workmen running slowly next to the road, hair waving, safety vest slipping off bare chests- much like a romance novel bookcover:
Who does that? Why don't we have workmen like that?
4. Teenage boy who truly hit grumpy puberty on this trip:
Oh - my - god. Would you guys stop stopping.
5. One of the many over the top comments that perfectly fit in Kauai but would be cheeseball back home:
Looks like someone took all their pretty pills this morning!
6. Very small, very cute child leaning out a car window at us waving and yelling : Hang loose!!
The island mantra.

I took my blood pressure after five days of being there ...86/56. I think I was a teenager when I last had it that low.

Kauai snippets

Putt-putt.
Who has a fresh coconut in their fridge?
Tree climbing.
Amazing tropical color.
The most disgusting ad ever.

Kauai

Lush. Wet. Sunny. Tropical. So laid back we all feel like we took a big huge chill pill and have no worries. The fish is wonderful, so many types and we have an avocado tree outside our door. These pics are the view from our house. I have been taking better images with my regular camera but have no way to upload them here.

Spring break with the kids.

This week I am taking the kids to Kauai.  I have never vacationed in a tropical place (generally I piss and moan if it gets above 78`), we usually go no further than Seattle or Oregon for vacation but this year I thought -- what the heck!
Rose is almost graduating, I am somewhat bucket-listing my life of late, and endless years of endless friends going and loving it have taken their toll. I bought the tickets, rented the vacation house and the mid-size Ford. 
I will post pics.  Supposedly, according to my son, we are zip-lining.  That means I will be laughing and screaming in terror and probably need to be wearing some sort of urinary accident protection.  Too much information?     I won't share pictures of my tonsils as I scream.  

Oregon properties in need of some lovin'

It just won't be love from me, I am all tapped out! These are all north central rural (obviously) properties. Do you look at derelict properties and think....hmmmmm, I bet I could restore-rebuild-fix that? Thankfully, I am moving away from that thinking. It is too expensive.

You probably can't tell... but the porch has completely separated from the house.  A positive : this used to just be grey weathered siding, looks like someone painted!

We are not tobacco growers here in the Northwest, so I could not figure out
why this barn has so much ventilation.  Hops? Really volatile hay?

OK. Even by my standards this may be a bit too far gone
 (Oh, but think of the stories......)

Small World Part 12

I went car shopping.  I see a pattern here, whenever my life is changing I go car shopping.  I don't necessarily buy a car, I just see what the prices are and what new technologies are out there.
Was looking at a VW TDI (nice car!) which was a joy to drive. Also drove a bug, and a new Jetta.
The very low-key salesman, Dave, copied my license so I could test drive.  He was looking at my address and asked if that was off of Lincoln Ave.? I told him it was in Poulsbo.... something clicked and he gave directions to my small gravel road.  I said that no one can ever figure out where I live, how did he know? He answered that his old best friend lived out there, Darryl, and showed me a picture of his motorbike in front of a garage, commenting that was Darryl's old place. 

I bought my house from Darryl. That motorbike was in front of my garage.  Dave then filled me with stories of Darryl and Veronica and their family.  He also told me the kitchen counter I want to replace (white grouted 4"x4" tile) was put in by Veronica.  I didn't want that info because it makes me less inclined to replace it -- because now I have story to go along with that impossible-to-keep-the-grout-clean counter.  Curse my history-oriented ways.

Minister introduction

So I told you the story of ending up at a church 26 miles from my house HERE... I had not yet introduced myself to the minister.  In the beginning I was somewhat too freaked out as to how I happened to walk in the door and how familiar it all was.

Memories of summer. It will be here someday, right?

Last week the sermon was about freedom.  It was a circuitous esoteric talk in some ways based on a Walt Whitman poem "the open road".  I sat right behind the choir, and halfway through they got up and left... so my row became the front  row.  At the end of service I usually book out of there, wander the fellowship hall seeing what is new and then go off the brunch and a walk.  For some reason I did not, and ended up facing the minister as he walked out.  He put his hand out and greeted me : You have been here before, right? What is it about some religious leaders?  They are so good at slowing the pace down and listening.  Truly listening.  I told him : Yup, but I never will stand up and introduce myself to the congregation.  He said that was okay... maybe someday.  I told him my name and where I was from, he mentioned there is a church starting up in my neighborhood, then quickly said, but you are welcome here!  We walked out and away from each other and then I thought what the hell.  Yeah, in church.  And went back and stood in line to talk with him.  The last gal in front of me had a long story filled with wayward children, addiction issues, housing problems and I thought then I do not have the patience for the ministry.  But he does, and listened so kindly to her and empathized.  She left and I said : I think you know my grandparents from Michigan.  He: Oh really? Who?
When I told him my grandparents names his face brightened and he looked stunned. He affirmed he knew them very well and placed me in the family... did I attend that church in Michigan, whose daughter was I.  I clarified the only time I had met him was at my grandmother's funeral, that I am a 100% NW gal born and raised.  He then told me stories of my grandpa... ones that we think of in the family and roll our eyes and wished he could find his wife to introduce me to since she knew them also.  I'll make that intro next week and put another link in place.
I am slowly seeing a very big picture here. They say life changes every 20 years, I am in that change and just going to ride it out.  Hey, FYI, went on my first date in 29 years last night.  It was a BLAST. 

The Oregon trip- Painted Hills Unit of the John Day Fossil Beds

I am back from my Oregon trip.  It was very helpful.  I was supposed to be figuring out if it was feasible for me to do consulting work in Oregon from my home in Washington.  I am not sure I answered that... but I had a blast.

Also, I found the most amazing re-use stores in Portland.  I felt like I was all starry-eyed and in Disneyland for old house owners. So many doors, reclaimed wood, detailed woodwork, everything.  Normal behavior for me nowadays - an employee gave me his cell phone number so I could call him personally with fir flooring dimensions and base molding lengths that I was looking for.  I am just going to roll with this stuff and call it spring fever. 

Neighbors with a tractor

Where I live is a little area of seven houses with acreage around a designated wetland area.  Recently, one neighbor lost his home to the bank.  A couple bought the house, which was in very bad repair, and for a ridiculously low price.  They have put alot of work into it since buying it - I hear chainsaws and big vehicles over there.  They are across the pond, so to speak, so only get glimpses when they leave their driveway but the other day I thought I saw a TRACTOR roll by.  Tractors make me giddy.  I need to rent one about once a year, and that usually runs me $400 for 4 hours.  Ouch. 

Driving home with one of my kids, the new neighbor was driving his garbage can to the street with said Kubota.  I put my car in park and ran out to meet him.  I don't know what he thought, but he seemed cautious and kept telling me about his girlfriend. Obviously, he cannot tell the difference between a woman hitting on him and a woman giddy over the prospect of tractor labor for free, or more accurately the cost of diesel and some baked goods.  He mellowed out when he realized I was solely focused on the orange machine he was driving and offered to come over and haul compost around my yard.  What! Of course you can be neighborly in such a manner! He was a super nice guy, as all my neighbors have turned out to be.  My neighbors: there is Cal, the gatekeeper to our community.  Literally, his house is at the main road and he keeps an eye out on the cars traversing our road.  There is the skilled carpenter and his family, she has had their house in a magazine for her design skills.  There are my retired neighbors who bring me fresh salmon, clams and most recently smoked salmon.
Don and Jan, probably my faves due to proximity.  I know them the best, too. Somewhat hardcore christians, not the mellow loving type - there is that undercurrent of fanaticism.  Jan told me God gave me the stroke so I would turn toward Him. I didn't have the heart to say that I don't believe in a God that would be so small minded and angry. That being said they are there in a heartbeat.  She prayed for my horse Bey when he was trying to colic.  I can only think that helped.  Two other families live here also, both friendly. I kinda lucked out on all of them.  And I get to add to the mix: nice couple with the tractor.

Honesty vs. Being a Nutjob.

A friend far away reads this blog.  She commented on my last few posts as being a little wacky, but very honest.  Well, yeah.  I am a little wacky and very honest, and she knows that.  There have been several directions  my life seems to be going, and I am still having issues with not controlling it.  I am so used to figuring everything out with my own skewed logic and brain power it is a challenge just letting things go.  I am not talking not mowing my lawn, not feeding my kids (although if you saw my house right now you would wonder about my letting go of keeping order.) But letting go of my future plans.  Understanding impermanence.  Basically all the crap I have heard about my whole life but made no sense.  Now, NOW, it makes sense.
This weekend I am 'getting away' to Oregon,  something I have not really needed since moving to this house.  The place I go is desolate and a special kind of beauty.  And whenever I go it just settles things.  Plus, my first dog's memory is on a mountaintop there.  And I have told everyone to cremate me and take me to the same place, which always seemed like a far off pie-in-the-sky time period.  It is not so pie-in-the-sky anymore.
While there I have a couple things to calm down about and figure out.  (Wait, did you not just hear me say I need to "let things go" and maybe "go with the flow"?) I am still workin' on that.
1. Someone asked me to watch their 6 month old.  This is not just any 6 month old, she is the greatest baby ever, and I am saying that when I have two kids which I thought were the greatest babies.  Infrequently, during the week.  My problem:  Being tied to my house.  Being tied to a baby, as deliriously joyful as she is.  And that whole caregiver role.  It is all I do. And babies take all your being.
2. I have a huge crush on my contractor.  I have not crushed since I was 19, and that man I married.  This man is just super outgoing, confident and quick minded which is a drug to me.  Well, that and coffee.  I know this will blow over and I will calm down but I feel like a nutjob.  Any tips? I feel too old for this.  My 17 year old should be doing this (not crushing on the contractor --  but being driven by hormones).  Sometimes I think men are more protective of a single female with her hands full.  I know my male neighbors keep an eye out and take care of random stuff without being asked (which makes me batshit crazy) . I have to remember the intent is not that they think I can't do it, but courteousness and being a good neighbor. Back to contractor: I also think he is looking for a great reference.  Like I said, it will all go away and blow over but right now it is a special kind of he** for me.
3.  I need to not avoid the medical field. That's it on that. 
4. I need to update my will and add a whole lot of end of life information.
5. I need to not be tempted to tell my daughter to go live with her dad when I am pissed. 

Oregon usually makes things very simple and clear.  That is what I need at the moment, clarity.

Annual frog fest

Today the frogs started serenading from the wetlands. They are almost two weeks late, they usually begin around Valentine's Day.

This was my fortune for today.

 

Frogs on my neighbors house in the woods.  They don't clamber on mine as much, but I sure can hear them.

Dogs and Electricity

Dog: I took care of a dog last week. Max was a perfect stoic gentleman. Here is a pic of him surveying our trip to the dump.
Electricity: I have been replacing defunct lighting in my house again. This is usually a week long job for me. I know, I know, you all take minutes to do this sort if thing. But my process is more---thoughtful. Here it is.
1. Take down old light.
2. Swear at the dangerously creative electrical rigging of the fixture accomplished by my predecessor.
3. Cover exposed ends of wires while I ponder for a day or two whether to rig more nonsense up to make it work or call the electrician Al.
4. Take truck to shop, care for a sick kid, clean up yard, sweep house.
5. Gaze at ceiling. Bare wires are not so bad.
6. Pull out new fixture from box. Kick myself for not noticing wiring configuration. What the heck. My two lonely wires poking from the wood ceiling with no fixture box would be overwhelmed.
7. Give Max back to his owner. Dust. Clean feathers out of my room where the cat dispatched a bird. Sand drywall. Sit on son about homework (not literally, although maybe that would help)
8. Ponder ceiling.
And that is why it takes me a week to change a fixture.

More strange spring stuff.

At this point I am just documenting these things. 
1. Went to church, the minister themed his sermon around a Walt Whitman poem.  (Is it any wonder I like this congregation... a sermon around Whitman?) Not just any Whitman, but his one of freedom and open roads. It smacked "car trip" to me and all the spirit lifting, fast driving, empty road feelings from when I used to be a frequent imbiber of hot footing it in an old car across desolate places in the West accompanied only by a dog. 
Yesterday I went to the library while waiting for Wilder to finish his dance.  Pulled out 20 books everything from "refinishing a garage" to "building paths and walkways". 
I opened the pages of the first book and what was on the opening page?
Walt Whitman's same poem.
2. My bank is collecting for the homeless youth in the area. For a small community, we seem to have a lot of parents that are unable or unwilling to take care of their kids. I won't even go into my venting action about this, suffice it to say it makes me angry and sad.  The kids needed basics like hats and hygiene products so while  I was in Rite-Aid waiting for a prescription I did some shopping.  A  gal who has helped me many times walked by and said "hi".   My hands were full of deodorant and teenage paraphernalia so I told her what I was doing.  She cocked her head to one side and was very thoughtful when she said : that is a really important thing to do.  She is about my age and went on to lightly sketch a story of her own parentless childhood raising her siblings and what helped her through.   She didn't do it for pity, it was just a sharing of common experience.  At the end of it there was a hug. (What is it with the hugs by strangers??? )


I feel like something is going to happen.  I have these experiences over and over, and either it is because I am not listening so they are repeated... or that I am gearing up for something.  
I guess I am gearing up for life and all that brings.  Things are changing.  I am a security driven person, so even though I love new and different paths, I generally stay to the tried and true for me.  Insurance.  A solid home.  A savings account.  I added that "for me" because some friends would say I am not security driven.  Going to new places by myself.  Hunting ghost towns in desolate areas in aging cars.  Buying a house an hour from friends and family that needs a lot of work,  and then having to learn how to do it.   (I have a lot of books!)
I need a damn divorce.  The stroke and its consequent medical bills kept me married.  I greatly dislike that but do not want to risk losing what I have built because of health blips driving me to bankruptcy.  With health insurance, really good killer health insurance that pays everything... there is no risk.  (See, safety driven!)  He does not seem to have a problem with it, but I do.  I will never be free from him since we have kids, but I need to not be in his life as anything but a former partner. 

Wilder's photograph for art.

It is a sunny day - the gardening bug arrives!

I woke up this morning to sunshine.  Literally woke up to the sun -- in my closed eyes. Because I have those new stunning windows in my room that are not yet framed on the inside, I have no curtains.   Which is so funny because yesterday it was so cold, windy and wet I did not make a required trip to the dump to empty construction mess because my fingers froze when I was tying it all down.  I got very wet, threw my hands in the air, mumbled something disrespectful about the temperature, took my wet clothes off and tossed them in the dryer, and clambered back in bed for a nap with the heating pad and cat. (The cat is no dummy, he is drawn by the heating pad, too.)

I culled seeds from these giants last year, but have about six types of sunflowers that are going in. 

When it is sunny at this time of year I get the gardening bug -- you know it? The one that sends you outside to clean-up and prep for the upcoming growing season?  I have too much compost (positive side effect of having horses), a neighbor with a small tractor, so I am going to put the two together and make a narrow bed next to my driveway that goes around my house and put in sunflowers. The last three years I have sporadically planted them (really, I walk around the yard plugging in seeds here and there...) but this is going to be a solid stripe of yellow running in front of and next to my home.  My neighbor and his tractor will do the large scale moving of all that compost. I will follow behind and "prep".   I define myself as a lazy gardener.  I will have him move and dump loads of compost in a loose row (tractors are never good at meticulous work).  I will cover it with plastic.  In a few weeks I will uncover it, maybe drag a rake over it to make the bed look planned as opposed to haphazard,  and push a bunch of seeds into it.  Then I will spend a week or two opening my window in the house and yelling at crows picking through and eating said seeds. But by mid-summer  I will have flowers galore. 

Kids trump all

Taking up the most of my life is raising kids.  Yeah I gotta house that needs work.  Yeah my gardens are expanding and I am thinking of getting a greenhouse.  Yeah, I have a whole lotta animals and their respective vet bills.  But the bottom line that runs through every day is my two kids.  One, Rose, 17, is almost out of the house. A senior applying to colleges, her time is spent being a teenager in the best and worst sense of the word.  She takes AP classes and is in Debate. She has put a dent in every car except one. She has made questionable choices with her friends.  She seems to spend alot of time on hair and makeup. She yelled I HATE YOU once to me when really really angry.   BUT, I vaguely have a wispy memory from the recesses of my brain that I hated my mom at this age. She was so dumb. And her rules were ridiculous.  Of course, having my own kid this age brings back all those memories, so in some ways I imagine I am a very frustrating mom. It does not hurt my feelings when she yells that, I know that she needs to cut her tie to me.. to make a clear stride toward autonomy as I did.
The hardest thing for me is to let my children fail.  Not fail in the little things, but the big, hondo, impact-your-life kinda way.  My daughter has made some questionable friends.  On the outside they are all sugar and sweet, successful parents, they look a certain way... but there is some weird stuff going on in their families and in their heads and consequently they are on their way to having juvenile records for theft. (Seriously, who steals from Walmart.)  I caught Rose playing hooky with one gal and turned them in at school. (Actually another mom saw them and called me - the blessing of a small town!)  On a hunch, I had them both empty their bags.  A stolen bottle of vodka was emptied out of the friend's purse.  This is where I failed.  I was not willing to get them both suspended so I took the bottle and threatened them both to high heaven. They got in school suspension for cutting class.
My daughter was grounded for months.  The restrictions are lifting but she is being monitored.  So far she has been where she says she is, doing what she says she is doing.  But, BUT if she does something more serious with her "best friend" I need to not step in and rescue her.  I did not easily come to this conclusion.  Besides friends that are an ever-lovin' source of support, I have a therapist.  I brought her on board when I was navigating divorce, she stayed through all the mortality crap I have been through, and now gets to tackle a more challenging topic with me - teenagers. She talks with Rose, too, and is a neutral support system for us both.  We all have figured out that my stroke impacted both kids enormously (no, duh.) and unfortunately Rose is "working through" some things she does not have words for.  God how I wish my kids didn't ever have to experience that, but it is not for me to fix. 

Three generations cracking up.  Daughter, Mom, Grandma.

Siblings.  You have no idea how many dozens of pictures I have on the computer of them hamming it up. 

It is also a saving grace to have her dad living 15 miles away. The kids go there on weekends and I gallivant about the countryside.(OK, maybe gallivanting is a stretch, but I am childless for a solid day...)

What is this? The strange power of spring? Hormones?

A Seattle buddy said I have to write these down because I will forget and they should be documented for humor and so they can rib me later.  My friends are lovely, aren't they?

I was on the ferry yesterday reading.  I heard a voice over my shoulder and then a man stood next to me and said : Boy, I wish I hadn't had my morning coffee already, I would just have to come join you that smells so delicious.  Me: It is tea.  He: A bit flustered. Me. It is good, you should try tea. I smiled.

Geri went with me to church this weekend.  We were guzzling our tea/coffee before the service and a fellow sat down with us. I began talking with him, he is from a neighboring island and boats in for the service.  He said : I hope you are really happily married.  You should be happy in your marriage. Then he blushed.  BTW, we were not talking about marriage OR relationships. We were talking about enviromental activism. 

Obviously this man-thing is not done.  I will keep you posted.   Oh, I'll tell you the architect story, too.
I won an architect at my son's auction.  He came over to fulfill the certificate and we sat at the dinner table talking what he was going to do.  He then asked me about my kids school where I won the service.  He asked me about schools and when I was telling him he said : Maybe this would be a good conversation over a glass of wine.  Me: Awkward. When I get in "house mode" there is no time for romance.  Practical house stuff, man, we got things to do!

I put that pic up of me in the previous post so you can see how I look when all this is happening.  A lot of times my makeup has worn off, (if I even remember to put it on) maybe I have hay in my hair or mud on my shoes. And this is not just mud, this is more "horse" mud, the naturally scented kind.
I swear I am not flirting.  S-W-E-A-R.  At least there is an end in sight.  I am pretty sure it will come to a grinding halt when my hormones adjust out of whatever mode they are in.  I am also writing this down because this sort of random stuff does not happen to me. Never. Or never so blantantly.  It's all this damn heart opening stuff.  (I am pretty sure the calm gentle souls teaching this don't use that terminology... but I think that is my new acronym for it - D.H.O.S.)

Contractor - I found a good one.

My house has never been so strapped down.  It has been seismically retrofitted, with monster brackets tying the whole thing together.  That and the posts and beams are new should make this all more solid.  Should.  I notice my south wall is moving.  I notice this because the previous ding dong owners built the stairs so they don't all touch the wall... it looks like a floating staircase at points.  Yes, in architecturally significant homes they do this purposely and it is quite a feat, in my house... an accident because what - they ran out of wood?  I dunno, but it has always been this way and I have called it "charming" in my mind. If I think "charming" and "original" that allows me to be more generous of spirit than if I focus on the words "idiocy" and "cheapskate".  Some days it is a toss-up. 
The staircase is becoming more and more floating.  As in, the wall has moved a quarter inch away. 
Sigh. 
Guess we aren't done in the basement. 
I will have a structural engineer over to confirm, but I will have my contractor do the work.  Because even if I question how he supported the south wall, the bottom line is I can call him up and say "Walter, seriously, this wall is moving because of what you did". He does not argue, get all blustery about it and grumble that it was like that before, or he did it all correct it must have been something I did (can you tell what sort of people I have had do work previously?) He just says something like : Sue (the project manager) differed in opinion on how to support this but we ran all the numbers (and boy did they run numbers) and I thought this would work but I guess we need to revisit this, or yeah, we didn't know (blah de dah), let me come over and figure it out.  Other than this, they stayed in budget and did phenomenal work. The ease of working with them all on a plain old farmhouse is worth it.  And, with this house, nothing is ever simple.  And no, I don't want a new cookie cutter development house which would take no brain power to own. Because for me, I need to have a challenge.  Oh, you say, having teenagers, being a single mom, health adventures, a geriatric horse or two,  acreage, gardens, aging cars, chicken eating coyotes is not enough of a challenge for you?  No, no, it isn't.  I need an old bug chewed, slightly tilting, story-filled, farmhouse thrown in the mix!   And yes, I should probably plan on being buried in the backyard because all my money is sinking into this landboat.